Disaster food and strange movies

Heya Blogland, 

Well this week has been pretty average as they go but I’ve been pretty much hooked up to my oxygen every spare moment that I have. My doctors told me they would prefer it if I was on it and I’m trying to be on it more because if it can help me a little bit I am going to try. 

I’m about three quarters of my through my xmas/birthday shopping. I’m pretty lucky in that all my Christmas/birthday presents that I’m buying don’t have to be waited for. In the sense I don’t have to wait for Christmas for them to bring them out. I only have to get something little for Candy, Warrens, and something little for James. Mum is always a on going thing but I never feel like that is finished.

I got to see my friend Rosie today and we have now discovered we really are not very good cooks. We cooked 2 pizzas one of which we burnt the top of and the other we burnt the bottom of LOL. Then we decided to watch “Drive” starring Ryan Gosling and for anyone reading this… DO NOT watch it… Seriously! I was confused the entire way through the movie. It made absolutely no sense whatsoever. I really couldn’t understand where the story had come from or what the whole thing was even based on… it was so random. I don’t know if it was one those movies where you have to be a director or a movie buff etc. etc. to understand it, but I would like to know who these people were that gave it 5 stars because I would barely give it half a star. Soooo strange!

Nothing very interesting going on this week that I’m aware of but I will be back next Sunday so see you then.

Goodnight Blogland
Stacie xoxo


Medication increase

Heya Blogand, 

Well I didn’t manage to get any photos of Hammersmith yesterday but I will tell you everything that happened and why I didn’t get any photos. 

So yesterday I managed to get up at 4am because I was told to be ready for 6am as this was when the transport was supposed to make it to my house. Now if you know me, you’ll know I hate to be late for ANYTHING. It doesn’t matter what it is I have to be on time. When I went to college I used to leave my house at 7am for a 9am lesson and the journey would only take 30 minutes. So when it’s an appointment I have this big need to be on time. So 6am came and went, and when I know I’m going to be late I get very anxious, do not ask me why it’s just the way I am. So the idiot transport man turned up at about 7:40am. He didn’t even have a good excuse for being late and he assured me we’d still be on time. Now I don’t drive but even I know that it takes longer than 1hr 20mins to get into London on a Monday morning before 9am, I actually wanted to hit the man, and I’m normally a very nice person. Then when we were on our way he had the absolute nerve to stop at a petrol station. Even my dad was getting irritated and he’s a very laid back person.

Hammersmith Hospital
So eventually we made it to Hammersmith we were 35 minutes late so not so bad considering it was Monday morning London rush hour. I didn’t have any interesting tests yesterday so even if I had taken any pictures they wouldn’t have been very interesting at all LOL. I had my weight done, Blood pressure and then we called in to talk to Rachel Davies one of the PH consultants. She’s really nice and I get on with fairly well. We had a fairly long discussion, as they go, because we had to discuss how I felt I was getting on with the Iloprost because I have been on it for about 3 months now. I told her how I didn’t think it was doing anything and couldn’t tell a difference from being on it to when I wasn’t on it. So we decided to increase the dose because not only do I not want to be on Flolan but none of my doctors want me to be on Flolan either. The risk of clotting and getting a stroke is so high in me because I have multiple ASD’s (holes in my heart) that the risk of a clot going to my brain is high, very high and Flolan is a very last resort before transplant so will only happen if I’m literally at deaths door.

So I was sent up to PIU ward because they had a spare bed. They have to monitor your blood pressure when they up the dose of most PH medication. I like PIU ward I got to Elaine (a nurse that I really get one with) and Chantelle (a PH doctor).  I really like them at Hammersmith I pretty much get on with most of them. So they increased my dose and I then my blood pressure was being monitored every hour. It’s pretty boring when you’re being monitored, especially considering I thought I was only going in for a quick appointment, if I had known they were increasing my dose I would have brought something to do like a book and my phone charger so I could have played something. Unfortunately there are no TV’s on PIU ward so it can get pretty boring. 

I got to see Dr Howard (PH consultant) and my dad and him had a long conversation about cricket which I find so boring LOL. The only other thing is they want me to go on oxygen at night but I'm really not up for that because I don't want to become too used to it. I'll probably go on it a bit more though because she did make a good argument that it gives my heart a bit of a rest so I will try but I didn't guarentee them anything.

Everything was good after 3 hours of monitoring and then I was lucky enough to get to share transport with a fellow PHer who I really got on with and we spent the whole trip home talking :-D.

At the moment I’m not feeling great on the increased dose because it’s giving me really awful headaches and my throat is hurting again, I’m really hoping it’s just because of the dose increase and all I have to do is get used to it like I did when I was put on it to begin with. It took about a month for it to settle down last time so hopefully this time it’ll be quicker.

I wish I could have taken some photos for you guys but I’m going back in 8 weeks so I promise to take some then and I’ll probably be having some more interesting tests then so it won’t just be a boring ward and waiting room LOL.

I will write again soon Blogland
Stacie xoxo



Heya Blogland, 

Me and Candy en-route to Cardiff
Meggy, me and Mum
Well I'm feeling soooo much better todaay. I suppose  shopping will do that to you, no wonder they call it retail 'therapy' :o). We hired out a wheelchair for me because Cardiff has so many shops, there is no way I would have made my way round it all without the wheelchair. 

I'm so pleased we went because my christmas shopping is officially underway. I've got Jaydon's birthday present, half his christmas present. Megan is completley done. I've got half Candy's christmas present. I've got some things for mum which I haven't decided whats happening with that yet. I kinda ended up buying a load of stuff for me though, my mum was like oh I'll put it away  for Christmas and I was like "I can't wait that long!" LOL.  
New dress from oasis
Wheelchair of shopping

I have very little to update you with this week but I will have a few blogs coming this week as I have Hammersmith Hospital in the morning and shall be making my dad take some photos :-D.  

New PJ's
New lacey, sparkly top from Oasis
Masses of shopping LOL
New Hollister top
Pictures from day shopping and what I brought not all of it otherwise there would be a millon pictures LOL

Blog you later Blog land :-)
Stacie xoxo



Dying is exhausting!

Movies lead you to believe that when you die it’s some easy drifting off into a peaceful sleep. It’s not. They don’t give you the never ending struggle before hand. I’ve seen movies where they really try and portray the hard up hill climb but unless your really experiencing it first hand, you can’t really ever truly get it.

I’m finding it really hard to look on the bright side at the moment, I’m getting very little sleep, migraines that could take down a small population, and all I can think about it how I wish I could be doing everything my friends are doing.

If I wasn’t ill I would have gone travelling. I would have gone and seen Auschwitz, seen the Castle of Versailles, seen the ruins of Pompeii, the history of Rome, travelled to St Petersburg, marvelled over the enormity of the Pyramids of Egypt, taken a ride on the Orient Express. I would have then attempted to get my degree at any university and then after I had gone and got all educated, I would have joined the RAF and followed in my parent’s footsteps.

I really am one of the most positive people you will ever meet but this week I’m finding it hard to wade my way through all the negativity that’s clouding my mind. For once in my life I would like to be normal. I’m not asking for a lavish lifestyle, I’m asking for a normal life, one where people only go to hospital for stupid things like breaking an arm, or needing your appendix out.

I know there are people who are worse off than me. It’s just sometimes it’s really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel if you know what I mean, trust me I’m trying but so hard sometimes.

Sorry to be such a Debby downer today.

In more positive cheerful news I’ve officially started Christmas shopping. For those of you going What?! :-O In my family you have to be very prepared. I’ve got Megan’s Birthday and Christmas, my mum’s birthday and Christmas, Candice, Jaydon, Warren, James, and the new unnamed unidentified baby due on the 29th of December. I actually love Christmas it is my favourite time of year. I know people get stressed and grumpy because of all the fuss people make over it but for me the things love are, the temperature is a decent level for me, who doesn’t love their birthday?, I get to see my family who don’t live that close, I get to spend time with my family and we get to celebrate a wonderful occasion. It’s where some of my favourite memories come from.

I hope where ever you are you are smiling

Stacie xoxo 


Blood tests

Heya Blogland, 

So I thought since I showed you what it is I do everyday regards to medication I would show what else it is I have to do, so hospital trips to Papworth, Hammersmith, Great Western Swindon and GP. 
Therefore as you've probably already realised based on the title todays Blog is based on the blood tests I have to have done regularly. 

Monthly bloods

So these pictures are showing you my monthly Blood test which I have done at my local GP the Great Western Surgery (they aren't very original with the names around Swindon LOL). I have been having this monthly blood test since I was diagnosed back in 2001. This blood test checks my blood count, ferritin (iron levels) and liver function. They have to be done regularly because although I have been on my pills for this many years, they can affect certian systems within the body, and your body can over time begin to grow intolerant to the pills. They continue to check my ferritin levels because they just need to make sure I'm not becoming any more anaemic. So basically it's just a good old MOT to make sure everything is running okay :-).

INR blood test

These next photos are showing you my INR blood test which stands for International Normalised Ratio, which doesn't actually tell you what it does. The INR test checks how fast you blood clots and a normal persons generally sits within the range of 0.9 - 1.2. Depending on how thick or thin your doctor wants your blood to be depends on how much warfarin you take. As I have mentioned previously mine has to be between 2.0 - 2.5. At the moment I'm having weekly tests simply because I have never been that stable with regards to my INR. The smallest things affect it. If I have to much chocolate, it goes sky high. If it's really cold it goes really low. If it's too hot then it goes really high. It all depends on the weather and what I'm eating. Being on warfarin also means your not allowed to much Vitamin K, this is generally in green vegetables like spinach and all those horrible things you hated as a kid. This is something that has never bothered me as I hated them when I was a kid and refused to eat them anyway LOL.
This is my old INR machine that is now out of date but in essence the new one looks pretty much the same and does the same job :-)

It's got to be the most NON-invasive blood test ever. I suppose the nearest thing I can compare it to is a diabetes blood sugar test. They only take a drop of blood and thats it. When you first start doing them it's a bit of a shock when the sharp needle hits your finger but you get used to that really quickly. I did used to have a INR machine (which I'll show you a picture of) but it went out of date and I didn't have a spare £300.00 to buy a new one so now it's weekly trips to the hospital again, but I used to be able to do it at home which was really good because it was really easy and didn't really invade my life. I'm saving for a new one now so hopefullly I won't be doing the weekly trips once I get a new machine.  

So guys thats it from me if you didn't know anything about the blood tests we Pher's have I hope you have found this somewhat interesting and I will be preparing some more Hospital orientated blogs soon


Stacie xoxo


Relationships, Friendships and Sports

Quote of the week:- The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. Bob 

Heya Blogland

Well today has been really good, Murray finally won at Wimbledon granted it wasn’t actually the Wimbledon tournament but he won AT Wimbledon so YEYYYY. I can’t really explain in this blog how much I was willing him to win because he really did deserve to win!

Then after we watched Murray smash it in his final we made our way to James’ sister’s engagement party and it was really nice. We got to meet her fiancées family who all seem very nice indeed. I did however seem to attract and unwanted admirer. 

Now it’s not something I talk about very much but recently I pretty much decided not to get involved with anyone. If anyone ever wonders I CHOOSE to be single. Most people will probably think I’m ridiculous but the thing is I don’t want to trap anyone in a relationship with me. Some of you will probably be wondering what the hell I mean. The thing is that I wouldn’t really tell someone that I just met that I am as ill as I am. Then I wouldn’t want to get involved with someone and then tell them, I would feel like I had tricked them. I know it sounds ludicrous because most people probably wouldn’t feel that way. But me I know that if I started going out with someone and then they told me a few months in that they were dying, I know I would feel tricked, it’s irrational I know, but it’s the way I feel and I would never put anyone through that. So I’ve decided that I’ll wait till after I get my transplant and I’m better, then I’ll start going out with people. Because if I were to die I’m already leaving so many people that I love behind I wouldn’t want to add anyone else to that list. This guy was really not my type anyway and it’s very flattering that he liked me but as of right now I’m really not interested in going out with anyone.


Well once again I didn’t write something everyday, but I have been preparing some future blogs for you guys. The problem is it’ll take me a few trips to the hospital before I can publish them. So something for you guys to look forward to.
I’ve only had one bad day this week which is pretty good I think. It is getting really annoying constantly going on my oxygen especially after years of not really using it at all. I know it’s all a part of the package I couldn’t really expect to get this far without it going to downhill a little. Luckily my week has been jammed packed full of Olympic goodness to keep me occupied. I have been cheering on Mo Farah, Tom Daley and even Bolt and Blake of Jamaica. I know they are Jamaican but you have to cheer on people who are that good, so I won’t apologise for it. There are loads more who I have been cheering on but far too many to mention in one blog post.

Work was really good today it went so fast which is always a bonus and I got to see Caroline and Andy which was so lovely because ever since my hours have been cut down and I had to give up Sundays I haven’t really seen a lot of my work friends, who always brightened up my days when I go to work. I can understand why people who are on the transplant list or who are seriously ill have a very small network of people because unfortunately the more ill we get the less we do. Although I have never let my illness get in the way of my friendships sometimes it pushes itself in the way. I’m very lucky that I have amazing friends who are more than happy to drive me to and from places and pick me up when we go out, because they know I find it hard getting anywhere, even getting to the bus stop. If I didn’t have them and my family I know for a fact I would literally stay in most days because I find it so hard getting around. But I can definitely understand why the more ill people get the less people they can have in their lives, I know I definitely have less people in my life since college, but I know that the people that I do have are wonderful and amazing and I wouldn’t change them for anything! 

That’s really it for this blog I know it’s not very long but I will probably have another blog on Tuesday which for those who don’t know the ins and outs of someone with PH may find interesting and next weeks blog will probably be more interesting because I’m off to Cardiff shopping and then Hammersmith for a PH appointment.

So until then guys
Stacie xoxo



Hey Blogland,

So I thought I would show you guys what my regime is everyday. I'm probably one of the lucky ones and my regime is pretty simple in regards to how many meds and stuff I take I know that I could have been given alot more and some that are a hell of alot more time consuming :-).

Okay guys so these are my tablets that I take everyday.
- The bosentan which is the one with the green on the box has to be taken twice a day I take it at 7:30am and 7:30pm.  This I have taken since diagnosis and all I know about it is that it helps with oxygenating the blood and the lungs or something to that affect.

- Then the Viagra (Yes it makes me laugh everytime I say I have to take viagra, I'm really immature at times LOL) This has to be taken three times a day. I take it at 6:00am, 2:30pm and 10:30pm. The reason I take it at 6am is because it can't be taken within an hour of the Bosentan, don't ask me why it's just what the doctors told me and I'm a good girl and do as I'm told. Apparently it causes a reaction or something but they work in sync with each other, weird I know. I'm really not sure why I take this all I know is, is that it does something for my lungs. Didn't I tell you I don't ask many questions? LOL

- Then there's the Iron tablets, which are in the pot. Now I'm really lucky and only have to take one of these a day and I take it at 7:30pm. The reason I take this is because a side affect of the Bosentan is anaemia which I noticed pretty much as soon as I was put on Bosentan. Luckily it was only slightly below normal and therefore the one tablet does the trick but there are people that have to be on three and iron tablets themselves can have side affects.

- Finally there is the Warfarin. Now this thins my blood. The reason for that is when I was diagnosed they put a little device in my heart, which is basically a tube that keeps my Pulmonary artery open. The reason for this is when the pulmonary artery expands in a normal person it would open and allow more blood through and therefore more oxygen. The problem is with someone with PH is that we generally have thickening of our pulmonary artery walls and when they expand they expand inwards as well which means we can't get enough oxygen and in my case this lead to fainting. So the Warfarin thins my blood to make sure it can get through the tube. Now as you can see in the picture I'm on 5mg at the moment but this can change and to monitor this I have to have weekly blood tests called INR to see whether it needs changing. Mine needs to be between 2.0 and 2.5 the higher the number the runnier the blood and therefore I need to be on less mgs of warfarin and the lower the number the thicker the blood and therefore I need to be on more mgs of warfarin. Get it? don't worry if you don't I've been doing this 11 years and therefore know my stuff LOL.  

Okay guys so this little contraption is my Nebuliser now it despenses a drug called Iloprost or Ventavis whichever you prefer. This is the most annoying drug of them all. This doesn't stay in your system for very long. It's supposed to work in harmony with the Bosentan and the Viagra (sildenifil because I hate saying Viagra LOL). The only problem is it only stays in your system for 3 hours if your lucky. So I have to take this every 3 hours. I take it 5:15am, 8:15am, 11:15am, 2:15pm, 5:15pm, 8:15pm and if I'm still awake 11:15pm. Sometimes I swap and do the 11:15pm one instead of the 5:15am one.

Now when I first got put on this I did it at 2:15am as well, the doctors told me I didn't have to but I thought no I really need to give this a proper go. That did not last long let me tell you now LOL.

Once again I really am not sure what it does all I know is it's supposed to help me and I know it has to with my lungs because I breathe it in LOL.
When I first started it back in April I didn't notice any difference in the slightest but now I've been on it for nearly 4 months I've noticed a difference but a bad difference. If I'm late taking it my body KNOWS I'm late taking it. My breathing becomes laboured and I get a massive headache. I feel alot worse than before I was put on it. I don't know whether it's just revealing how bad I really was without it, I doubt it but it's possible. But when I'm on it I feel the same as I was before I was put on it, not better just the same.

I don't know if I'm making any sense to you guys but in my mind it does make sense LOL. Also my parents and sister agree with me when I've explained it before.

I have a hospital appointment at Hammersmith on the 20th and I will be telling them all of this then so hopefully it's just a case of upping the dosage or something. I have a bad feeling though they'll be telling me thats it's time to go on the Flolan and if it is I will deal with it then .

 Right so these next two pictures are to do with oxygen. This first one is my portable oxygen cannister which basically means I can take it with me places for "just in case". So if I'm going somewhere and getting back to my house is a no no then I can have access to oxygen, incase my chest hurts or I'm finding it hard to breathe. I'm fairly lucky in that I don't have to be on oxygen all of the time.

This picture is my oxygen concerntrator. Now this turns the regular air in to pure oxygen. I got given one of these years ago and managed to get rid of it. But unfortunatley because I've been getting worse recently I had to get the ugly machine back.  Now my doctors would preferably like me on oxygen all night, but I decided years ago that I would only go on it when I needed it. If I go on it all the time I become dependant on it. There are some that probably think thats ridiculous but I found when I was on all night every night, I needed it more. So I weened myself off of it and now I only use it when my chest hurts or I'm feeling particularly horrible. 

So thats it guys, that is what my regime looks like and I hope it provides a little bit of insight into the life of someone with PH :o) 

Stacie xoxo


Friends, Wimbledon, more Olympics and general reflection :-)

Quote of the week:- Theday which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity. ~Seneca

Heya Blogland,
Well today has been pretty much filled with Olympics,watching us come fourth in the diving which was disappointing but they triedtheir best which is all anybody can ask. Then I watched all the Gymnastics andI was cheering our boys on, then we were robbed of our Silver medal… okay weweren’t robbed per se but I’m just miffed that their challenge was accepted.But like it was said it’s the first team medal we’ve received as a country in100 years so it’s an amazing accomplishment and they did absolutely fantastic.

I know my blogs are going to seem really one tracked andit’s going to be me rambling on about transplant a lot and whoever is readingthis will probably be getting annoyed at me, but the thing is when you are onthe list it’s pretty much in your mind all the time. If you ask someone who ison the list and they say they don’t think about it everyday then they areprobably lying.

For me it is always there even if it’s not the main thingI’m thinking about it’s kind of got a little room at the back of my head thatyou always know is there if that makes sense. But anyway the reason I apologiseis because I’m about to go on one of my reflective rants again lol. 

So there’s this woman who is not sure if she would say yesto a transplant if she was offered transplant because she knows the ins andouts of the NHS etc. etc. This got me thinking because when I was going throughthe process of being put on the list I did have second thoughts becausepersonally I am not a masochist and the idea of being in pain terrifies me.Also my brain pretty much hits overdrive and thinks of really implausiblethings like waking up in the middle of surgery, or what happens if the worldwere to end while I was under? Or what would happen if something really badhappened while I was under and it all basically ends up with me waking up inthe middle of surgery. The thought terrifies me, I know it will probably neverhappen but these are thoughts that pretty much are on a constant loop in mymind. Now I don’t work within the NHS so I basically have to go by what myConsultants, Doctors, co-ordinators and Nurses all tell me and I fine withthat. But obviously if you work in NHS you’ve probably seen stuff that nonormal person sees I don’t see people turn from really well to dead in thespace of a few minutes. I also don’t ask as many questions as I should. I knowpeople who ask a lot of questions but I’m someone who in regards to my medicalcondition, I’m on a need to know basis. I don’t know specific numbers; I don’tknow what other people’s numbers are. All I know is what I need to be and whatis good for me. I’m under the firm belief that too much information can be abad thing some times. I don’t like to self diagnose. The only thing I would sayI have become more aware of since being on the list would be when I get colds.Now I have to make sure it doesn’t turn into a chest infection, one that wouldbe damaging, and two it would stop me getting my transplant.  This is why I personally believe children getthrough things that adults could only dream of getting through. They don’t knowhalf of the things an adult does and therefore isn’t scared of it a lot ofchildren I’ve met in my years don’t even really know that they are ill and it’san amazing thing to witness. I was blessed enough in my time at Great OrmandStreet to meet some amazing children. I got to meet a little girl who had had aHeart transplant 3 days before and she was walking and running around likenothing had happened. If you don’t believe in miracles you should have seenthis little girl. I think this is definitely why I don’t ask too manyquestions. If it’s important they will tell me. If it’s something that willmake me worry for no reason then they don’t tell me.

Another reason I pretty much live by this is because I wasgiven till the age of 5 to live and then that deadline came and went, and thenwhen I was diagnosed at 11 with PH I was told that at the moment people wereonly living a few years, that came and went to, so now I really don’t worrywith the deadlines so much. I’m probably living in a little bubble, and somepeople probably think I’m being a bit naïve but it’s got me this far…


Oh Dear I haven’t been very prepared this week, I startedthe week with the very best of intentions to write a little something everyday.Only thing is this week I pretty much slept in till noon everyday, and then Iwatched Olympics pretty much all day. I’m really into the Olympics this year,probably because it’s in London and it means that the tv schedule is reallygood for me because I understand our one. When it was in Beijing Olympics I hadno idea what was going on when and then I was basically just watching replaysand never seeing anything live, which totally sucked. So loving seeing it allthe first time it happens :-D.

Got to see my two very good friends this week. Rosie andGina. I went to Bingo with Rosie, her boyfriend Sam and her sister Lucy. It wasso much fun but some of those old biddy’s get really into it and if you madethe slightest noise they would pretty much give you glare that said “shut up,or die” LOL. We didn’t win anything which sucks but hey ho it was free so I’mnot complaining.  Me, Meg and Gina had aevening of pizza, Olympics and chatting. This was really good because Ginalives all the way up in Manchester so I don’t get to see her too often but thisdid mean I got to give her, her Birthday present. We are off to see “Wicked” onthe 17th October which I’m really excited about. I’ve already seenit, last year with Megan, but it is such a good West End show, and if I couldafford it I would pay to see it over and over and over again until I got fed upof it LOL. I’m going to have to find a cheap hotel because it’s a 7:30 showingand we are not travelling late at night out of London. Also that gives us anopportunity to do a bit of London shopping. I haven’t been to London recentlywhere is wasn’t for hospital, so I’m going to drag Gina to Harrods where I willEat my weight in Harrods ice-cream, it’s that good!

I got a call off of the foundation that I applied to. (It’sa foundation that grants “special” days for terminally/seriously ill adults). Ioriginally asked to have dinner with the cast of the Vampire Diaries which mysister and I would have really enjoyed but they rang and said this was littleout of their reach because it would have cost a fortune. To be honest when Iasked it I knew it would have probably been a bit unrealistic, but if you don’task you don’t get, so it was worth a go. So they’ve given me the weekend to thinkit over and ask for something else. It has to be in the UK and literally theonly thing I really want to do in the UK that I can’t afford to do myself is goto a Wimbledon final. I have wanted to do this since I was about 12 years old.I’m desperate to play Tennis but due my condition it’s pretty impossible. So onMonday I will give them a ring and ask if me and my family could have a tour ofWimbledon and get to go to next years Wimbledon final. I’m not sure how much mysisters will enjoy it because they aren’t the biggest Tennis fans, but I’m surePimm’s and strawberries and cream will make up for that. Also if Murray makesit to the final again next year I’m sure they will get into the spirit ofthings LOL. So lets hope they can make that happen because that would be awesome! 

You know when I got told I was going on the list, I gottold I had to continue living. It sounds very simple, and when they say it toyou, you kind of wonder what they mean. Of course you’ll continue living whatelse would you do? I’ve been on the list 3 and half months now and I think Iget it. When your on the list all you do is wait, the reason they tell you tokeep on living is because most of us know that we may never get that call, mostof us will die and that’s the way the world works. So they tell you to keepliving because do you really want say you spent your last moments waiting forsomething that would never happen?

So... Me, I deal with it by creating other mini things that Ifind more exciting and look forward to more in the moment. I know thatessentially the end goal is transplant, but I try to look forward to somethingthat I know will happen and I’m far more likely to make it to. So for me I havea shopping trip in Cardiff this month. I’m going to get my Open Uni stuff thismonth to start my level 3 modules. I’ve got my nephews birthday in September. I’mgoing to go to the PH conference in October followed swiftly by “Wicked” withGina. Mine and Megan’s Birthday, Christmas, the birth of my new little niece ornephew …. The list goes on… these are little goals that I set myself and if Iget the call for my new heart and lungs in the mean time then that’s just anamazing bonus.

Essentially I am always waiting, kind of waiting for my lifeto begin but in the mean time I’m keeping myself busy. I’m bored of waiting forsomething that may never happen, so for right now it’s just going to sit in theback of my mind.

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone
Stacie xoxo




Blogland I PASSED!!!

I passed my second year modules with the Open University. I cannot really truly explain how happy I am that I don’t have to do any resits.

When I did my exams back in June I knew I had probably passed my A200 Medieval to Modern module, and I did fairly well I got 57 which I’m really quite proud of because I’m rubbish at exams. Then there was my A218 Medicine throughout history, which I was sure I had failed, and I was therefore preparing myself for a bit of revision this summer for a resit in October but I managed to pass by ONE point. There was only relief and pure exhilaration when I saw that mark.

I really cannot tell you guys how rubbish I am at exams. I don’t know what it is but my brain just goes blank, it’s just an empty abyss. I have to search the far reaches of my brain so get any remnants of information that could be lying there. I like essays and coursework, because I like the time and research I get to do. I think exams force you to provide a pretty sub-standard essay that I personally would never hand in on a normal day. I like to be able to produce my very best work. Now I’m not a person who ever got A’s at school, in fact my GCSE’s were perfectly average with 2 B’s, 6 C’s, 1 D and 1 E. The E was in Spanish so it totally does not count LOL. I will continue to be perfectly average but I do like to know I’ve given the best work that I can do in. So for me exams are really an oddity. I think they definitely have a place like in Maths (this is probably because I was pretty good at Maths) but for something like history where there are no trends, everything is different throughout  history and feel that it’s a subject that just deserves time and effort, and an exam just doesn’t give you the opportunity to do that. 

But anyway enough of my ramblings about how stupid I think exams are I am just so proud of myself that I have managed to pass them. They were kind of my trial run subjects. In the sense my level one module didn’t provide me with enough knowledge of what it was that they wanted from me in regards to essays and so forth. So these two gave me the opportunity to realise how it is I should approach the essays they give me and what I should do with regards to quotes and bibliography etc. So now I feel very prepared for my level 3 modules and the two I have coming up don’t have any exams at the end so they should stay pretty consistent. I worked out that I either need to get 3 2nd Grade  passes or 2 2nd grade passes and a 3rd grade pass to get the 2:1 that I want. If I knuckle down I should be able to do.

I really hoping my transplant doesn’t completely disrupt my studies but it can’t be helped and I’ll have a tonne of time while I’m in hospital to catch up on anything I miss while I’m out of it :-D.
So that’s it from me today, I thought I’d do this as a separate blog just because otherwise my Sunday one will literally be about me passing my exams.

Have a wonderful day blogland and I hope wherever you are your smiling

Stacie xoxo