Heya Blogland, 

Well positivity is making a welcome return. Thankfully! Some people I talk to seem think it’s something you can control, and yes when I’m around people I can put up a front and do the whole positivity thing just to make people feel more comfortable but inside I’m still reeling off the list of things I am down about.

But it is coming back, naturally I am a positive person and I hate it when I am down so I always strive to be the positive person I know I am but sometimes the negativity just sort buries you and I can’t find my way out of it. It’s probably because a lot of the time I actually bury some of the stuff I’m thinking and feeling inside so its sort of burying myself in it rather anyone else burying me in it lol.

I think a major issue I was having was that when I was losing weight it got to a point where nothing was coming off and it was just irritating me beyond belief because I know it’s important in the whole grand scheme of things and I just sort of threw in the towel, I gave up! So I ate as much as I wanted when I wanted, I am very much a person who tries to eat my feelings away. Then I went to Papworth and I had put on 1.9 kilos since I was last there which is actually a lot less than I was anticipating but for those that don’t know kilos it’s about 4 pounds. Then the New woman I had who was the registrar kind of politely said “the weights creeping back up”, I didn’t lie I admitted I knew it was going to but that sort of gave me a kick up the arse on one front.

Then there’s everything that is Christmas that is starting to appear. I know some people become really miserable at Christmas, the weather turns to crap, it’s cold and they’re spending money they don’t want to spend blah blah blah, but I LOVE it. Seriously if I had to choose between having Summer for the rest of my life or Winter, Winter would win hands down. It’s not just because it’s Christmas but I love dressing up in woolly jumpers, massive fluffy socks, snuggly blankets it’s something I never get sick of.  
Did you guys see the cocoa cola advert?! I know I did :-D

Also something sad is that a few people that I know of within the transplant community seem to be having a rough time at the moment and it sort of tells you, “you’re still alive” and even though yes I haven’t got it easy at the moment some people do have it worse so I need to be more positive and just give myself a massive kick up the arse. I’ve sort of resigned myself to the fact that these chest pains aren’t going to be going anywhere in the near future, and although yes they are very painful that’s something I’m going to live with, and hopefully I’ll get my transplant and then never have to deal with them again so it’s a small price to pay if I do eventually get my transplant.

I’ve got my CT scan this coming Thursday and I will see if any of the technicians and nurses will take some photos for you guys so hopefully I can do a blog on that for you, hopefully this time I won’t throw up on the technician/nurse person when they stick the dye in me LOL, that would be unpleasant :-P


  1. Hi Stacie, glad to see such a positive post from you, I too love the winter, the day the clocks go back is a day of celebration for me! BTW, this is Julie from the OU blogsphere x

  2. Hi Julie, Thank you, I'm pleased to write a positive post I was getting fed up of being down so was chuffed when I found I was feeling more upbeat. I'm pleased someone else loves winter too anyone I bump into is always "I hate winter, it should be summer all of the time" lol xoxo

  3. Hi Stacie,

    I've been following your blog here in Los Angeles, and must say that I really enjoy your posts. I was happy to read that you picked up with positive feelings this week. You are more than entitled to having your bad days, so never feel badly about writing about them.

    good luck with your test this week :)
    sending love from California


    1. Hi Lori,

      Thank-you thats really lovely of you to say, I'm happy I've picked up to. The thing I've discovered about my blog is I can kind of look over and see what my feelings are/were and I had a recent look and sort of realised that they weren't all that positive of late and it sort of helps me to readjust my mind set. I find if your more positive life actually can be alot better but when I'm being down I tend to stick to it like glue without realising I'm being negative not only to myself but to the people around me.

      I'll definitly still be having my down days I have no doubt about that lol but hopefully christmas and mine and my twin sisters birthday will override any feeling of awfulness lol.

      thank-you for commenting Lori, I like it when people comment it makes me feel like I'm reaching people

      Stacie xoxo

    2. Hey I did get your message but I accidentally deleted it. Our birthday is the 14th December :-). My mum and her twin sisters is on the 21st December as well lol. Christmas must be insane in your house having ur birthday on the 24th, must be a awesome time of year though :-D xoxo

  4. Hi Stacie,
    I have to say I've just come across your blog and will 100% be following from now! I understand sometimes its hard to be positve but this post shows you have a positive mind set and its great to see! I have to agree I love winter too, cuddling up in my fave knitwear is a major love for me! And I have to say I haven't seen the Coca Cola Advert yet which I'm gutted about as that is always the sign of Christmas for me!!
    Stay positive!!
    Kelly Xx

  5. Hi Kelly,
    Thank-you thats very kind of you, I do try very hard to be positive but ovbiously sometimes that doesn't happen and when I started this blog I always meant to give an accurate account of my life be it bad or good so anyone else going through it will know the ups and downs. I will always come back though and be positive :-). Knitwear is my favourite!!! I think I own about 15 cardigens lol. When you see it it'll be christmas :-D
    Thanks Kelly
    Stacie xoxo


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