6.5.13

Unrealistic expectations

Heya Blogland, 

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Well I think the main reason I'm writing this today is because I'm slightly miffed (The only word that sort of springs to mind LOL). Since I came out of hospital I've been feeling semi-normal. I still can't just  stride down a street, walk up some stairs etc. etc. but I have been finding it easier to just breathe. Something very simple that most people take for granted, and why shouldn't they it's something that everybody should be able to just do. Before I went into hospital I was finding just breathing a laborious task and was dreading the days where I would have to take off my oxygen to leave the house and just generally dreading having to do anything that would make that very simple task of breathing just a little bit harder. 

Now I've heard miracle stories when it comes to Flolan and I've heard some not so great stories because of it. I think I'm somewhere in the middle. I haven't had some great big bounce back of energy and ability, but that very simple task of breathing did become easier, I wasn't needing to go on my oxygen so much if at all, one very simple thing that I was very grateful for. Now the reason that I am slightly miffed is that, this seems to have taken a slide over the weekend. My chest has begun to hurt again and I'm currently sat on my oxygen, I think I was beginning to take it for granted again and it made me feel a little bit normal even though I have this thing coming out of my chest. I've never been one to be bothered by what people think of me so if people stare and find it odd thats their problem not mine. But my body seemed to want to remind me today and this weekend that I'm not normal and if I want to do normal things like hang out with my friends I must suffer the consequences later. 

I think because I was having such a good 2 weeks I thought "oh this might continue" but noooo boy was I wrong. I must always remember that my condition is unexpected, unpredictable & unreliable the day you need/want a good day will be the day you're body bites you in arse and says "No, no, no, no you're ill remember?"

I just had Unrealistic expectations, I should have realised when the migraines started. I'm still optimistic though that it'll continue to improve my quality of life as the dose increases. My doctors seem to think it could be a while before I start seeing any real affects, only having migraines as a side affect is bad in a sense because they would like to see some other form of side affect to know that it is really working. Although side-affects are bad, they are also good in a sense because they tell the doctors that although yes you're feeling some minor bad thing from it, it shows that you're body is reacting to the drug and they like that confirmation. Although I can't say I'm not happy that I don't have any really noticeable side-affects from it LOL.  

In other completely unrelated news because I'm unpredictable like that ;) I wanted to tell you guys about a TV series that I'm absolutely hooked on. It's called 'Criminal Minds'. Now I have been watching criminal minds on and off for years in between other crime shows like CSI New York and NCIS etc. etc. but there was never a moment where I would schedule in that hour of my day to watch it on tv, until now that is. I had run out of TV series to watch and I just wanted to watch something new and all my other TV series' are coming to their ends so whilst flicking channels last week, I think, I landed on Sky Living where I engaged in 3 episodes straight of the rather addicting programme. Now if you know me then you'll know I hate to watch gory and gross horror/thriller movies because one I'm just not one of those people that find thats kind of stuff thrilling or exhilarating or in anyway entertaining at all. Secondly I think it gives the psychopaths of this earth Ideas,  why give those kind of people a head start? right? 

Now although it does have an aspect of that type of thing, the thing I really like about it is the solving of the crime part not the pyscho who goes on a murderous rampage part. I like getting to know the characters and the stories behind why they came to the BAU (Behavioural Analysis Unit) and I assume they use accurate data when they pick through why these people do what they do and I find that aspect of it interesting. Sometimes I have to flick through the gross part because really at heart I'm a 5 year old little girl who really doesn't need to be seeing someone get slashed across the throat or stabbed in the gut, if you know what I mean?

But anyway guys thats it from me, I just sort of needed a little rant, I'm not disheartened though I just have to remind myself not to expect unrealistic expectations from now on and I will always have bad days and I shouldn't be disheartened when they happen :)

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Talk soon guys  

4 comments:

  1. Hello Stacie, I think this is my first time commenting on your blog which is weird considering how many blog posts of yours I have actually read. You are such an inspiring woman and I really hope you feel better soon, i can't say I understand your situation but I know how sometimes I have to stay in and change plans because of the way I feel. I really hope you get back to feeling "normal" what ever that word means. :) I am also hooked on a tv show "Revenge" at the minute. They know how to entice you in!

    I am happy to tell you I am a donor! :)

    Rachel xx

    www.rachelelizabethwhite.com

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    1. Hi Rachel! Awww thank-you for even reading them sometimes I wonder why anyone would even want to read my ramblings LOL. Thank-you for saying that too thats really lovely of you to say :). I'm sure I'll be back to my regular chipper sooner or later :D. I really wanted to get into revenge but I missed the first like 4 episodes and and then gave up :/ I'm sure I'll get to it at some point :D. They certainly do know how to entice you in I get hooked on so many things! I have no restraint LOL.

      That is AMAZING! Hopefully you won't have to be for a VERY long time though :D

      Stacie xoxo

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  2. Just started reading your Blog today After I saw an advertising on sprinkle of glitters Blog, and I am just so touched by your Story. You are such a brave woman! I'm bipolar so I'm Sick myself but when i read your Story i remember to be gratefull for the small Things in Life. Being gradegull for Even breathing.
    I Hope you get better soon and you get the Organs you need. You would really deserve it :-)
    Best wishes from Germany <3

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  3. It's such a pleasure to know you Stace, you're such a babe!
    I hope you're not feeling to awful at the moment!
    Be safe! xx

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Thank-you for commenting <3