So I'm sat here watching "A walk to remember" staring Mandy Moore it's a fairly old movie so some of you reading this might not have seen it but it was on BBC1 the other night and it is one of the few DVD's I don't own lol. So I recorded it.
I have no idea why I watch this movie whenever it is on because it makes me cry every freaking time I do, but anyway getting to point of my pointless drivel. The main character who has cancer and is dying has this bucket list of things she would like to do before she dies. Then I also come across a lot of transplant blogs that I follow and fair few of them have lists of things they would like to accomplish once they have the ability to be able to do so.
I always wonder whether I should have a bucket list? I mean I have things I would like to do or should I say places I would like to go after my transplant but I never put pen to paper and written up a list of things I would like to do or milestones I would like to reach. For some reason in my mind I feel like that would be jinxing it. The moment I attempt to achieve the things on the list I just feel like life would decide then would be the time to pull the rug from right under me.
Is this just me? Or does any-one else feel that the second you decide to do anything life decides to throw a spanner in the works? It's a bit like when I decide to do things just in life in general my PH decides that thats the day to give me chest pains or a migraine or just feel really awful in general. I will never let the fact that I'm waiting for a transplant completely rule my life but there is always this voice in the back of mind wondering whether just because I've decided to venture a little further away to do something like go to London shopping for instance or anything remotely different from my everyday routine, there is a part of me that thinks this will be the day that fate decides will be transplant day.
Do you know what my perfect transplant day would be? A Saturday just before I have to go to work and I can phone up work with no guilt or hesitation and say "I can't come in today, I'm having my transplant"