Paranoid Freak...

Heya Blogland,

So I have officially become a paranoid freak. 

Seriously ever since I had that bloody infection and nearly died everything seems like it might be another infection. 

I'm checking my temperature about 4 times a day, I check my obs at least as many times to make sure my pulse it lower than 100bpm. That my oxygen is above 85% unless I've been walking. 

Then there's the fact that anytime I get a twinge where my line is I think "Oh no, it must be another infection". 

The thing is because I didn't get any symptoms that even suggested a infection until the day before I went into hospital any minute thing suggests an infection to me now. The thing is I'm soooo angry that I didn't get any signs or anything because I should have had a extremely high temperature which I got eventually the day before I went to hospital. I should have had oozing puss coming from my line which I actually had but it was hidden and couldn't be seen until they cut me open. I should have had a low blood pressure which I actually have but thats because my pills make me have a low blood pressure so how the hell am I supposed to tell the difference between my normal low BP and an infection low BP.

I know I'm complaining and I'm sorry but the problem is I really am paranoid and I'm worried that if I get another infection and don't catch it in time that next time I will actually die. This time I was lucky to get away with 5 weeks of antibiotics. I don't know if I've actually mentioned it but the infection I had was bad it actually went sepsis which for those that don't know is short for septicaemia.  If you search it up it doesn't make for great reading and I am very lucky we caught it when I did. The problem is all the signs of both infection and sepsis are already things I suffer from as side affects to PH and that there is why I'm so paranoid. 

How do you separate something that could kill you from something you already have? 

I thought I knew my body inside and out and right now I just don't.  

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So Last night after I wrote the above part of my post I woke up about 1am and I literally am becoming a paranoid freak. I woke up my chest hurt my heart was going 10 to the dozen and I was hot, really, really hot! So I got up and I took my pulse made sure my oxygen was okay and both were okay but my oxygen was down to about 83 so not really low but still lower than me or my docs like it to be so I went on my oxygen, my heart rate was 120 so quite high. I don't know why I'm being so paranoid this always used to happen when I had the line put in and even before I had the line put in. I think the problem I'm having is that I had this infection for weeks before I figured out that I had it and that's why it became sepsis, so now I'm so worried that I won't figure it out in time if I happen to get another infection.

It's a little bit worrying.


  1. Aww this sounds awful :( I can't begin to imagine how scary it must be for you so I won't even try to give any advice for relaxing, but I really hope you feel better about it soon. Keep us updated!


  2. Can't even imagine what you're going through. Sending you blogland love <3 xx

  3. It is totally understandable why you are so paranoid... I think anyone would be in this kind of situation to be honest. I hope you will feel more assured about it soon. Xx

  4. Oh doll. You really are going through it. I can't even imagine how stressful it must be. Sending you all my love xxx

  5. Not surprised you're complaining, I hope you feel better for it!
    Must be a terrible situation, I really admire how positive you manage to sound all the the time, it must be so hard.

    Lots of love,

    Totally Skinters'

  6. You are more than welcome to share your fears here, we are here to listen. With all that you've been through, of course you're paranoid, that's to be expected. But we are all sending you positive thoughts and love to help you through!!



  7. aww man that must be difficult :(
    you have every right to complain, and just know we're all here for you wishing you all the best! x
    lots of love xx


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