Would I be me?

Hey Blogland, 

It's kind of midnight as I write this and this may or may not get posted publicly depending on whether I decide to. Night time is when I seem to have the time to think about the big questions in life because I usually can't sleep and I have nobody to talk to because all the sane and normal people are tucked away soundly in their beds lol. So then ultimately my brain starts whirring around just thinking about just everything really, what should I do tomorrow? I promise I'll start work tomorrow, and then the bigger things in my life. 

Tonight is no different. 

I just wondered if people like me, people who have conditions their entire lives would be like we are if we hadn't had to experience the things we have experienced, go through the horrid things we've had to go through. Almost all the people I come in contact with who are like me and have been ill their entire lives are positive and happy and just generally lovely people. 

There are the people who I come in contact with who haven't been ill their entire lives but somewhere down the line become ill and most but not all are nice but there are a few who become bitter and question why it is this terrible thing has happened to them, like they are no longer themselves. They lived their entire lives as somebody else, then this one thing changes everything. I can understand why this happens to people but there is part of me that doesn't quite get it either if that makes sense to anybody reading this. 

I myself consider myself one of the happiest people I know. I have my bad days and trust me it has to be a really bad day if I'm rude or off with somebody, but everybody has them. I wonder though if I had really had the chance to live the way I had wanted to would I be the nice, happy, positive person I am? 

I consider negativity pointless, life is far to short to dwell on things. I wonder if that has something to with it, me and most of the people I know who have been ill their entire lives encounter death a lot. I can't speak for everyone but I'm damn lucky I'm not dead, there have been several occasions in my lifetime where I more than likely should have died, but I didn't and I wonder is it these experiences that make those like me the way we are?

Do people who are not ill consider life a 'god' given right? Whereas those of us who are on the edge of it know what a gift it is to be able to live the way you want to, be able to choose which path you go down without the restraints of some particular disease holding you back. 

Does our gratitude for just another day of life, to just be able to breathe one more breath make us what we are? 

Would I be me without my disease? 
chat soon guys


  1. Stacie you are not alone. I often wonder what I'd be like if it were not for my illness.

  2. You are a big inspiration for me. Seriously. Everytime i feel bad or i'm mad about something, I think about you, your blog and your life and I realise how idiot I am because it don't worth it at all.
    Thank you Stacie. Thank you for being here, for writing your story. I'm glad I've been told about you.
    Today I had to write an essay and the question was "Do teenagers need heroes in their life" and in the "yes they do" part, i talked about you. How people like you inspire some of us to become best persons and to realise that life worth the fight, and start to think we can be happy.

    Thank you again. Really, thank you.

  3. Aw, Stacie. "Does our gratitude for just another day of life, to just be able to breathe one more breath make us what we are? " This is beautiful. I've been reminded that gratitude is the most important virtue. Thank you, Stacie. :)


  4. Wow, this really touched me. You are an amazing person and so many people who have SO MUCH aren't as kind or positive as you. Made me reflect on myself so thank you :)


  5. Stacie you have a very old head on young shoulders and you are an inspiration to everynody, you continue to be your happy and optimistic self and you will make it xxxxxx

  6. This is a great post and is an interesting question to ask. I definitely think the experiences we have in life make us who we are. Sometimes they can affect us in good ways and sometimes in bad ways. I do think it is very easy to take life for granted if you are lucky enough to not have experienced real hardship. In my early twenties I worked in a care home for the elderly. I didn't enjoy the job but Im glad I did it as it has had a profound affect on how I view life. It made me realise how short life is and that you should make the most of it while you are able to.



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