You know something I don't normally talk about is that from a very young age I've felt that I'm on this journey by myself and that is how I will get through it. I've believed that I should be the one shouldering the burden of my life because I don't like my friends or family to take that burden, I don't believe it would ever be fair for them to have that burden because my life is no-bodies fault and I am the only one that should have to deal with it, as much as I can anyway.
I can't keep how ill I am from my parents or my sisters because that would just be physically impossible and if I'm honest stupid. But I can keep it from the rest of my family and I do. There are the days where I tweet or update my Facebook status saying that I feel like crap but I never really say how awful I actually feel. It's pretty easy to keep how ill I am from the rest of my family and friends because a lot of them live far away and if I don't want to go out I just say I'm not feeling great and people accept that.
It's something I've done to protect myself. I don't ever want people to feel sorry for me, or feel bad for me because I really have enjoyed my life. Yeah okay it hasn't been exactly what I would have dreamt for myself and there are things I still want to do with it but I would not be who am if I hadn't had the life I have had and I like who am and who I've become.
Today however I got a gift through the post from my Aunt and Uncle who very kindly gave me a spa treatment and card with a lovely message from them both. I don't ever expect gifts off of anyone I'm very much the giver of gifts rather than the receiver of them, it's why I love Christmas so much I love to give people things.
It made me remember that the rest of my family are there for me and that as much as I try to hide how ill I am they still know, and they are there for me should I ever need them. It's just something I forget sometimes because I really try to do as much of this by myself as I can, I don't ever want to feel like a burden on people but it's great for me to remember that I do have a amazing family who will always be behind me and should I ever need them they would be there for me.
Chat soon guys