Never Alone...

Hey Blogland, 

You know something I don't normally talk about is that from a very young age I've felt that I'm on this journey by myself and that is how I will get through it. I've believed that I should be the one shouldering the burden of my life because I don't like my friends or family to take that burden, I don't believe it would ever be fair for them to have that burden because my life is no-bodies fault and I am the only one that should have to deal with it, as much as I can anyway. 

I can't keep how ill I am from my parents or my sisters because that would just be physically impossible and if I'm honest stupid. But I can keep it from the rest of my family and I do. There are the days where I tweet or update my Facebook status saying that I feel like crap but I never really say how awful I actually feel. It's pretty easy to keep how ill I am from the rest of my family and friends because a lot of them live far away and if I don't want to go out I just say I'm not feeling great and people accept that. 

It's something I've done to protect myself. I don't ever want people to feel sorry for me, or feel bad for me because I really have enjoyed my life. Yeah okay it hasn't been exactly what I would have dreamt for myself and there are things I still want to do with it but I would not be who am if I hadn't had the life I have had and I like who am and who I've become. 

Today however I got a gift through the post from my Aunt and Uncle who very kindly gave me a spa treatment and card with a lovely message from them both. I don't ever expect gifts off of anyone I'm very much the giver of gifts rather than the receiver of them, it's why I love Christmas so much I love to give people things. 

It made me remember that the rest of my family are there for me and that as much as I try to hide how ill I am they still know, and they are there for me should I ever need them. It's just something I forget sometimes because I really try to do as much of this by myself as I can, I don't ever want to feel like a burden on people but it's great for me to remember that I do have a amazing family who will always be behind me and should I ever need them they would be there for me. 

Chat soon guys 


Rain + shopping...

Heya Blogland, 

So today is the day after the 'supposed storm' if you class a bit of wind and a bit of heavy rain as a storm then I'm afraid to say the UK is in a constant storm. What is wrong with people?! I actually enjoyed the weather, I got to sit up and listen to the rain at 2am this morning and it just made me feel really happy. Rain is one of my favourite things in the world and if it was constantly raining like it has been for the past 2 days it really wouldn't bother me at all.

Me and My sister actually ventured outside today and went to town, we did have other plans but they unfortunately changed when we thought this stupid 'storm' was supposed to happen. I was determined to get a bit of christmas shopping done due to the fact I have nothing for my Mum's Birthday or Christmas and I didn't want to be in the situation where I may get my call and then she be left with nothing. Whilst out I had the opportunity to start her Birthday/christmas shopping and most importantly I got to walk in the rain, it is one of mine and Megan's favourite things although it's much better when it's heavy rain than that horrible fine rain we get most of the time but today was the perfect type of rain :). 

Whilst we were out I also brought a few things that I can show you because they were for me and you know me I can't go shopping without at least buying something for myself lol. 

I popped into lush because they have their Christmas line out and I really wanted pretty much all of it but I restrained myself and only got 4 of their bath bombs, I'm super excited to use them!

I also popped into Newlook where I brought these two tops, this photo really doesn't show how nice they are but I was really tired when I got in so getting changed several times again wasn't really an option for me lol. The one on the left is just a mesh type material with a shimmer through it and it looks really pretty in the light and it will be worn off the shoulder. Probably not the most winter appropriate but I've never really been known to dress with the seasons, prime example being me wearing net material tops in the snow :). Then we have a really cute slightly woolly, not a jumper but then not a t-shirt either, perfect for layering up and I just really loved the hearts on it :). 

And finally we have the wrapping paper that I brought because I have none and therefore needed to get some so that I'm at least a little bit prepared as you can probably tell I go for really cutesy wrapping paper either that or glittery paper so far I haven't seen any very nice glittery paper that I like but I'm sure once the festive season draws in more it will come out :). 

I would love to show you everything else that I brought today but unfortunately the people's who's stuff it is read my blog and therefore I can't show it or they'll know what they're getting for their christmas presents :). 

Anyway I hope you all well in blogland and I will attempt to write again soon unfortunately my life is slightly on the mundane side at the moment which I suppose is good because it means I'm not ill and I'm not in hospital or anything so although mundane might not be good for my blog it is certainly good for me. Now that we're entering November though some more interesting stuff should start happening :D

Chat soon guys 


18 months on...

Hey Blogland, 

LOVE YOU GUYS!! | Source  
So today marks exactly 18months since I was placed on the the transplant list. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. It's been a long old 18 months and it feels much longer because it's actually 2 and half years since the whole transplant thing got fully underway for me so it makes it feel so much longer because even though it took a year to get on the list during that whole process it was definitely a similar feeling to actually being on the list.

It's a bit annoying because if I had, had my transplant with my first false alarm I would be 5 and half months post transplant right now and then if I had, had my transplant on my second false alarm I could be writing to you letting you know how I was getting on right now. Obviously there was a reason that it just wasn't meant to be those times and I accept that but I can't help wonder where I would be if they had actually happened then. 

I suppose the main, wonderful thing that has happened and come out of me being on the list is that I have made some absolutely amazing friends while on it. I can honestly say that I have made some life long friends through this whole transplant thing. They understand things when others just really can't, not because they don't want to, because they really want to, but because they have never experienced it and can't really fully appreciate or get it. It's a bit like if someone were to talk to me about giving birth, I can understand to an extent but I'll never be able to fully appreciate what it is that a mother has to do/go through to give birth to something. It's just the way it is if you know what I mean. I'm so pleased I have the transplant friends that I do they've really helped me in the past 18 months and especially in the past few weeks after my mini freak outs after the latest false alarm they've really helped me come to terms and get to grips with what I'm going to have to go through when I eventually get my transplant and I love them all for that :)

So I suppose I kind of dedicate this post to all my wonderful friends, whom I would not know if it weren't for the fact that we all need/needed of have had loved ones who need/have needed transplants. It's my silver lining through to this whole situation :D 

As much as it's annoying to still be waiting I'm so thankful that I'm still here because the past 18 months I have watched far to many who didn't make it and didn't get their calls in time and I really do know that I could be far worse off than I am. I'm lucky that I get to be at home and not waiting in a hospital. I'm still lucky enough that I can get around and I'm not restricted to a wheelchair albeit with the lowest exercise tolerance ever lol. I can still go to work even if it is for 1 day and I'm so grateful for all these little things because I really do understand that I could be far worse off than I am. 

So hopefully I won't be waiting too much longer but if I am hopefully I will stay nice and stable :)  

Chat soon guys 


Why am I doing this?

Heya Blogland, 

So I think most of blogs are probably going to end up being written, like this one is, in the early hours of the morning. I've started my uni modules again and they are taking up some of my time and I'm trying not to procrastinate too much and in the attempt that means I'm trying to block myself off from my blog during the day time... it really is the ultimate procrastination tool. 

Since Kath's transplant and my false alarm I've been thinking so much of things I want to do once I get my transplant because I think that will also help me when I get my call to be a bit more calm as well and to remember why exactly it is I'm doing this. 

I think sometimes the problem when you're ill and especially when you've been ill for you entire life is that you forget about some of the things you can't do or have never been able to do. There are some of the obvious ones that you can't forget because they are there on a daily basis like washing and showering, today I had a bit of a rant on my Facebook because since having this line in my chest I can't indulge in something that I have always loved which is the simplest of things which is having the water up to my neck in the bathtub and you know when you want to plunge yourself underneath the water, I can't do that not with my line, and I miss it.

Some other obvious things would be being able to walk further than a few feet without dying and not looking like a total prat when you have to stop about 10 feet away from where you started, or simply not annoying people when you suddenly stop in front of them. Then the basic human right of just breathing, to find out what it is to be normal in that regard. I have no idea because I grew up this way and I know it's gradually gotten worse as I have gotten older but even as a child I found breathing whilst walking and talking etc. a task and it would just be interesting to find out what it is like for the rest of guys who can breathe normally, I really want to find out what it's like to really be able to breathe! 

Then there's other things like being able to go somewhere without having to find out whether there's a hill I'm not going to be able to go up. There are specific places in this country that I avoid for this very reason because they are too hilly and I just know I would not be able to cope with them and to be able to go somewhere and just discover it without worrying what the layout of it is like would be amazing. 

As children my parents kept me and my sisters very active, I always went at my pace but we still went out a lot. Being an RAF family we always lived near the countryside and my Dad's side of the family also live in Devon and we had a lot of trips down there as children/teenagers and that place is countryside heaven. Some of my fondest memories are of us just trekking across fields, through forests, over streams, getting pricked by stinging nettles and having to find those dot leaves (you know the ones), climbing trees. There's one of those massive chalk horses near where we are and there's this hill and even though I had to go at what was a snails pace we'd climb up them, we'd walk round Avebury for hours. I can't wait to be able to do that again, do it with my nephews because even though you weren't doing what you would traditionally classify as fun it always was! This is especially when it started to get colder and you would wrap up in a massive coat, scarf, gloves, wellies the whole shebang and you'd come home after walking who knows how many miles and just feel really great like you had accomplished something, when you really hadn't, and it was always a good way for us to spend family time as well. I just really miss the ability to walk it may have been hard when I was kid but at least I could do it, sort of,  and even if my transplant only takes me back to that kind of ability that will be more than enough for me because it's certainly more that I can do now. 

Although I'm not someone who wants to drink, because I have never been able to drink and it's not something I feel like I'm missing out on (some people can make total idiots out of themselves when they are drunk!), it would be really nice to be able to go to a party and have a cocktail and not worry that there's booze in it, at the moment thats just not possible with the way my heart is and the drugs I'm on alcohol just isn't an option. To be honest if I got told I couldn't drink for the rest of my life it's really not something that would affect me in the slightest. I think I'm just curious because I think I would be a cocktail girl :D. 

Going on holiday with my family! Believe it or not me and my family have never been on a family holiday together, I don't even own a passport,  I know this is down to me because my family won't go on a holiday without me. My sisters have gone on their little holidays and that kind of thing but as a whole unit it's just never happen and I know it's because of me I just really want to be able to do that with them, it seems like something every family should do at least once even if it is to learn that you should never do it again lol. 

Be a able to wear heels for an entire evening! Now this may sound really stupid but if I go out on a night out and you see me in heels do not expect me to be in them for more than an hour, that is how long I last in heels. Not because they hurt my feet, I'm actually very comfortable in heels but because they make walking about 10 million times harder for me, I get out of breath 10x faster and the distance I walk becomes 10x shorter, so I usually wear heels so that people see the entire outfit together then they come off LOL. 

I want to learn how to swim properly! I've never really been able to swim, the first swimming lesson I went to when I was about 5 I went blue and they had to pull me out of the water and I was just floating thats it. I think if it were a life or death situation I would be able to paddle but the pressure of the water is too much for me. I'm also extremely afraid of water in the sense that I might drown and that scares me but we can work on that as soon as I have to ability to swim. 

There are many, many more things that are the reasons why I'm doing this but I thought this was getting long so I'm sure I'll do another post at some point but for now there you are guys :) 

Chat soon guys 


Back on track...

Heya Blogland, 

I love the idea of just sitting out in the rain :)
So it's nearly a week since my false alarm. I think it's whipped me into shape, that a few words from some friends and me feeling pretty awful all week has helped.

Last week before my false alarm I had, had a good run of good days and when they happen you sometimes forget your ill and so when my false alarm happened I think my thoughts, which I expressed in my previous post, were reinforced by the feeling of wellness I had been experiencing. People have told me that what I had been feeling was completely normal, which I think it is, and also a few other transplant awaitees have said they feel the same but I have to remember that I wouldn't be on the list if I didn't need to be. The rest of the week I have felt awful, there's no reason behind it, it's just something that happens sometimes a bit like my body needs refuelling. I went to work and afterwards I remembered exactly why I need my transplant, I can't walk up the stairs in work I have to get the lift (which is an old industrial lift btw and one of the scariest things ever!). I walk down to the locker rooms and I literally feel like my chest is imploding and this is all after only a few hours of work, then the prospect of walking to the car is something I dread every week. I like to pretend I'm normal but I'm not and I am ill and I need my transplant. I can't guarantee that I won't be panicking the next time I get my call because I probably will but I think the next time I will be able to remember that it's my only option.  

I think I might start to feel better soon I've had my oxygen on for about 5 days straight, the only problem is I take it off and then my chest feels like my lungs want to escape from it but hopefully a day or two more and it might feel a bit better. Luckily the weather is turning into my favourite type of weather, rain! I love rain, i love the sound of it and just love watching it :D, so at least it's not to hot and humid adding to that feeling. 

I am also once again the queen of procrastination and my work has seriously taken a back seat this week but this week I'm going to try and do a bit of catch up I just wish it weren't so easy to get distracted. 

Oooo and if you want check out what can happen when you get a transplant check out my friend Kath's blog, it's really great and enlightening and I really enjoy reading it so I totally recommend it. 


What if...

Heya Blogland,

So the other night when I had my false alarm, it kind exposed me to fears I didn't even realise that I had.  I have the regular fears that I assume most of us who go through this have but then when I actually had this false alarm I was scared, really really scared! I'm usually pretty upbeat about it all and really positive about it and that it will happen but when I had that false alarm so many thoughts ran through my brain. 

I asked myself do I really want to do this? 

I have good days. Maybe I can live the rest of my life just with those good days? 

Am I really ill enough to be having a transplant?

Maybe I can accept just having the the time I have left? 

I had this massive urge to say no when it all looked like it was going to go ahead, I wouldn't have, but it was there! It's not so much the operation that I'm scared of so much as what happens afterwards. It's not your standard operation, no-one is the same when it comes to transplant. Everyone reacts differently and doctors cannot tell you ho exactly it will go when you wake up, they can tell you how it should go and how they want it to go but they can't guarantee thats how it'll happen.

The problem is I'm really worried about what will happen after. What if I'm worse afterwards? What if after all this waiting, and going through such a massive operation I come out of the other side worse off than I went in. There are absolutely no guarantees when it comes to transplant. It is probably the hardest road anyone can choose and I've done so willingly. 

I know that I will say yes when the time does actually come because it's either that or lay down and die but it will be the hardest choice I will ever have made for myself and there is a part of me that will always wonder if I'm making the right choice because I will never truly know until it's too late to do anything about it.

I know I shouldn't admit to being scared because thats not the Stacie everybody wants to see but unfortunately I'm a bit scared at the moment and I can't help asking myself if what I'm doing is the right decision. 

I guess only time will tell... 
Chat soon guys 


"THE CALL"... Take Two...

Hey Blogland, 

So last night/this morning I got THE call, my transplant call and once again as I'm writing this you obviously realise that it didn't go ahead. This time the experience was quite different from last time. I will go through it with you. 

At 12:57am I had a call from a unknown number, I had actually been sitting up thinking about when I would get my call and where I'd be and all those types of things and as I had been talking to a friend a few hours before some of the things I was scared for should the time arise. 

The phone call went a bit like this

Me : "Hello"
Richard Transplant co-ordinator: "Hi Stacie, it's Richard from Papworth"
Me: "HIIIIII" (imagine it being high pitched and squeaky)
Richard: "Now take a deep breath for me Stacie"
Me: "Okay"
Richard: "We have a match Stacie, now take a sip of water now but don't drink or eat anything. We're sending a car for you and it will be there within the next 20mins"
Me: "Okay I will see you soon"

I thought I would be less nervous the second time round but I really wasn't I was scared out of my mind. I think it's because last time because of the history of the donor it was always in the back of my mind that it was probably going to be a false alarm and I had to wait quite a while before I even got in the ambulance. 

So after trying to process the fact that I was going back up to Papworth I rang, texted, Face booked pretty much everybody, not knowing how much signal or whether I would have access to wifi I wanted to make sure my family and friends knew.

The drive was much faster than last time although pretty long still it took about 2 - 2 and half hours to get there even though the guy pretty much drove at 80 - 90mph the whole way there LOL. 

I got to the hospital and it was pretty much go, go, go from there, Richard said that they're were still a few minor tests to do on the organs but he definitely thought I should be ready for surgery. We got me ready took a tonne of samples, filled in a tonne of paperwork and they thought I would be going down to theatre around 6am, they were pretty sure that these organs were going to be a good match and I was going to get my transplant. 

Then Richard came in about 5:40am and told me and my mum that they had done one last echo on the heart and they were extremely surprised to find something very minor wrong with it. They really thought that because of the donors history and background it was going to be a go, he even told me and my mum that they hadn't even brought anyone else in, in case it was a no go they were that certain it was going to happen. I couldn't believe it because last time it was the lungs this time it's the heart, maybe next time we can get both right :) 

I'm obviously very disappointed but I suppose it'll be third time lucky for me. I feel like I've had a proper practise run now because last time I didn't do anything when I got to the hospital bar have some tea. So there's always a silver lining I suppose.

I'm very tired but I'm going to attempt to stay up now otherwise I will not go to sleep tonight LOL 

Chat soon guys 


Quick Trip to A&E...

Hey Blogland,

Me in A&E
So last night I was changing my dressing [05-10-2013] on my line and noticed some puss (sorry there is no other word to use I'm afraid) coming from around the line. When I had my infection in July/August I actually didn't see any puss around my line because it was all trapped under my skin and doctors didn't see it until they were cutting my line out. So I figured since I was actually seeing puss coming from the line it would probably be a good idea to go up to hospital and have it checked out. I thought about leaving it a few days but the thing is a few days makes a hell of a difference when it comes to infection and the longer you leave it the harder it is to get rid of, as I discovered last time. 

So I got up to A&E where I was shuffled through to there resuscitation unit because A&E was full and resus seemed to be where they were putting people who had more of an idea of their condition than the doctors/nurses as I was being a bit nosey and listening in on other peoples issues :). But the doctors and nurses were lovely they did everything I told them they needed to do and because there were no obvious signs of infection like I had last time - with the infection travelling up my neck - they only had to do normal bloods and blood cultures. All my obs were normal and my normal bloods came back okay, and because I seemed okay within myself they let me come home and they'll ring me if they find anything on the blood cultures although I suspect if I don't hear from them on Tuesday I'll be giving them a ring on Wednesday just to make sure :) 
chat soon guys


I need to be shorter...

Hey Blogland, 

So today was Papworth clinic day. Now normally I don't get excited about going to clinic because it's a stupidly long car journey for a pretty quick appointment but today I was super excited because I knew I would get to see some of transplant buddies. Now I hoped I'd get to see Kath but knew that I probably wouldn't because I knew I they hadn't managed to wake her up last night so even if they had managed to wake her up today she didn't need me jumping around her as soon as she had woken up lol.

I did get to see Rob, Kath's husband, and their two daughters Rose and Sarah. I was maybe a little excited to see them! Rob told me that they had managed to wake Kath up earlier in the morning, she was responding to people although she still has a tube down her throat but they were working on getting it out. I can't imagine how disorientating it must be to wake up 4 days after you went to sleep and especially with a tube down your throat but it seemed like Kath is coping so well. Kath has taken quite a few steps forward in the last 24 hours, she's off the heart machine and seems to be coping well with that, and they are reducing the dosages of her drugs and all these are all great steps forward and I'm so unbelievably happy she's making progress. 

I also got to see Bernice my other transplant buddy who is currently having one of her stays at Papworth to have a bunch of antibiotics. It was so lovely seeing her and I made sure to bring her donuts because every-one likes a treat while they are in hospital. 

When I went in to see my transplant doctor she did say a few things that were quite interesting. She told me that there aren't very many of us waiting for heart and lungs anymore as they had done a fair few heart and lungs recently which I thought was a good thing but then she followed on to tell me that she wished I was shorter. Now you may wonder why that is and it's because a lot of the organs they receive come from people who are quite short and this actually matters apparently. This is a good and a bad thing, it means I'm not competing with that many people for organs but it also means they don't receive that many organs that match me because of my height. I didn't think I was that tall I'm only about 5ft 6inches. Thats not tall right?  

chat soon guys


The Cosmo Blog Awards...

Hey Blogland, 

So last night was the Cosmo Blog awards and they were really great! I didn't win and never really expected to (although it would have been nice). Me and Meg had lots of fun it meant a day in London and getting to meet lots of lovely bloggers, who were all as beautiful and skinny as I had feared LOL. 

It was held at the OXO Tower in London and it looked pretty swish. Everyone turned up looking extremely pretty and I got to talk to several bloggers who I have been following for a while which was awesome! They had a nail bar there who did peoples nails for free, they also had a hair dresser there who was doing peoples hair for free as well but me and Meg didn't take advantage of that as we had already done our hair LOL. There was also people doing Lashes and tanning and they even had a photo booth which every-one took full advantage of. They also had people making 3 different types of drinks which were also free and for all the alcohol drinking people I'm going to guess this was a particular highlight as they had waiters going around the entire evening making sure people had drinks in their hands at all times :). I didn't stay the whole night due to the fact I was dead on my feet and shattered but me and Meg made it back to the hotel in time to have some actual food. They did have some food going around but being the picky types that me and Meg are we didn't touch it because we had no idea what it was LOL. 

I didn't take nearly as many photos as I would have liked to but I did take a few so I'll show them to you, they are a mix of iPhone pics and my actual camera pics :)

Beautiful bloggers :)
Mina and Megs non alcoholic version

 chat soon guys



Hey Blogland, 


So I'm really nervous about today and the Cosmo Blog Awards! There is just about a million things whizzing through my brain that just won't stop. It's strange I'm pretty good with people generally but the anticipation of meeting so many people and walking into a room full of strangers whom I don't know, or have only ever spoken to via twitter is rather daunting. I suppose I'm quite lucky I'm one of the few people who gets a plus one because of my situation but that still doesn't help me because Megan is just as nervous as me, if not more so. 

I've got so many things that I can't stop thinking about right now, I have to remember my drugs, I hate catching trains and I have to try and stay calm about that one because Megan hates catching trains a million times more than me so I have to be the calm one in that situation. I think maybe once we get to the hotel I'll calm down a little more but I'm not all that convinced I will. 

Then there's this meeting new people malarky. I'm pretty sure all these people are going to be beautiful and skinny and I can't help but feel a little self conscious because I'm just MIss Plain Jane. I'm worried because I feel a bit like a fraud, I'm not what I would consider a professional blogger and looking at all the other blogs which have been shortlisted they just seem far more put together and what I would consider professional looking and I just feel like I cannot hold a candle to them. 

And finally I'll also be worried about my friend Kath who had her transplant 2 days ago. This is something I cannot control at all this unfortunately is in the hands of the doctors and Kath herself. Kath has yet to wake up because the doctors are giving her heart some rest time to recover from such a major surgery and whilst this is in the realm of normal for transplants I can't help but worry because I'm a natural worrier it's what I do. I'm going to try not to worry tonight but there is always a small part of my brain that won't be able to take my mind off of it. 

Right I need to go pack some last minute bits and bobs before me and Meg catch the train and I will promise to try not to worry or be too nervous :-/ but I just needed to get that out :)

 chat soon guys


Hope & Happiness...

Hey Blogland!!!

Kath, Bernice, Me and Meggy
So This morning I got the amazing news that my good PH friend and transplant buddy Kath got her phone-call for her heart and lungs, as I write this we still don't know if it's a go but I need somewhere to vent my excitement as we can't put anything on good old Facebook or Twitter yet so here I am just getting out. 

This is the first time I can truly - hand on heart - say I feel no jealousy or anything towards the person who has got their call. I'm just so overwhelmingly happy for Kath. She has been waiting 2 years, yes count that, for her call and I'm just so happy for her. As I write this she and her husband Rob are at Papworth waiting for all the tests to be done on the organs and luckily Papworth have decided to enter the 21st century and actually get wifi so she's able to keep in contact but it could be a good few hours before we find out anything. At least now I know I'll be able to keep in contact with the outside world when I get my call now because my phone literally just does not work at Papworth so now wifi rectifies that matter :D. 

I'm just so happy for Kath because now it means that she'll get to see her daughters get married and have kids and she'll get to experience that with them too and she'll get many more years with Rob and it just makes me so deliriously happy that, that will get to happen :). 

Kath and Rob are literally the nicest people you could ever meet and that there just makes this even better. 

I'll be writing as the day progresses so if this seems a bit mish mash then thats why :).

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So I just got off the phone to Kath's husband Rob (now 13:45) and Kath is officially getting her transplant!!!! Do you know what I love about the transplant community? It's that there is this camaraderie that I've never experienced before. Everybody is SO happy to see some-one get that amazing opportunity at life, and everybody is so happy for that person, it really is an amazing feeling.

Now it's an even more agonising wait to make sure everything goes ahead as planned and Kath comes out the other side with a set of fully functioning heart and lungs.

I'm more than positive that Kath will pull through she's is a tough one and will make sure she does :D.

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So it's been a while since I heard off of Rob but last I heard Kaths organs had been put in successfully and they were attempting to take her off bypass, which is a good thing. I'll probably be up half the night till I know that Kath is safe and sound in ICU but so far so good :).

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And I finally know that Kath is in ICU it's 12:20am. I feel like I've been holding my breath all day and I can finally breathe so everyone please send Kath your very best wishes for a speedy recovery :D

Good night