I haven't been having the best few days. Migraines that really are not the most fun things in the world, an unfortunate side affect of my drugs. Overall though I can't complain all that much, I've been making sure not to overdo it or put myself under any amount of strain, at least until I see Hammersmith on Friday.
The past week or so I can't help thinking about everything I want to do with my life post transplant at the moment. I've been on Pinterest a lot. I know I'll end up living with my parents for at least 18months to 2 years afterwards, to make sure I'm fully recovered and I'm already planning on saving to move out. I'm never going to be able to get a mortgage unless I happen to win the lottery or mysteriously come into a large quantity of money, I'll be renting a house for the rest of my life or unless I happen to find a man who doesn't mind taking on the burden of a mortgage for the both of us. I've been pinning lots of interiors which are making stupidly excited about getting my own place eventually. Luckily I won't have to buy anything for my bedroom as I actually like everything I have in my current bedroom lol.
Me and my sister have been talking about the trips I want to take. I'm thinking I'm going to have to start off small in the beginning just long weekend trips, and not very far afield. Obviously this will be about a year after my transplant and so long as I'm stable. The long weekend trips I'm thinking are Auschwitz, thats only in Poland so not too far away and I can maybe check out Krakow whilst I'm there. Then there's Pompeii but as thats only a day thing, I would likely stay in Rome, this one might be one that would have to be later as I'd want to discover Rome for longer than a weekend. Dublin as that is only a drive and a ferry ride away I could spend a long weekend there. I want to visit Edinburgh as well, as the last two are within the UK I feel like they will probably be the ones I will start with. The list just goes on and on, there are so many places I have to see. Maybe I should actually start saving now?! I would have to curb my shopping habit a little LOL.
I have officially decided I need to learn how to drive but that may have to take a backseat at the moment as it's a bit risky what with my wonderful episodes I seem to be having at the moment and I would rather not risk having one of those in the middle of a driving lesson, as we all know that's exactly when they would happen lol. I've made the decision that when I do learn how to drive it is going to be a Automatic I just do not have the co-ordination or the inclination to drive a manual car or the patience for that matter, so hopefully that means it won't take as long to learn how to drive and also I'm hoping that the experience will be much better than my last experience with driving.
It's weird, the past 21 months when I've thought about my transplant the stuff that comes into my mind is the recovery. In my 23 years of being I have had my fair share of pain and some of it you would think that would mean I'm not scared of much else. The thing is when it comes to my transplant I can't help thinking I'm going to be in a lot of pain. I don't even know where it's come from because no-one has ever actually said to me that 'you will be pain.' My brain just assumes I will be, I assume with such a massive operation there just has to be intense pain that comes along with it because surely that is the trade? Some wonderful and brave person gives you a life, a life you have never had, surely you can't be given that without having to pay some sort of price? I think in my mind I just assumed that price was pain. So the past 21 months that's all I've been able to pretty much think about with regards to my transplant and that has been what has scared me the absolute most but the past few weeks when I think about my transplant I can't help but be excited for the things I want to do. Maybe it's because my sister is buying her first house which means her and her fiancee can finally get married and it just makes me want to be able to do all the things I have ever wanted to do even more as I watch them do the things they've always wanted to do and I think my brain has started to readjust and realise that once my transplant happens, I am going to be able to do them. I want to do them so much. I just wonder how much longer I'm going to have to wait to be able to do them?
Chat soon guys