30.1.14

I can, I will...

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I've reached a strange level of calm about everything. Okay well not everything. I'm still ridiculously impatient and want my transplant to happen asap, but I think I'm okay with everything. If you read my previous blog you'll have seen that when I think about my transplant now I think about everything I want to do, places I want to see, things I want to achieve. I seem to have been able to not forget about the pain I'll have to go through to get to do all of those things but I've accepted it and I'm not so afraid of it anymore.

There was also a point in time where I felt really alone like I was doing this by myself, or at least like I had to do it by myself, but the past week or so kind of in unison with how I think about my life afterwards I suddenly feel like I have this horde of people behind me, supporting me, willing me on. It's a really nice feeling because sometimes I feel like the fact I'm still waiting for my transplant is starting to bore people, normally I feel like people just feel like "Oh for god sake make it happen already so we don't have to hear about it anymore" and trust me I feel that way about myself sometimes too. At the moment though I feel like its more a feeling of love from people like they want something really good to happen. It's such a nice feeling and I really feel like I will be able to do it. I sometimes I ask myself "Can you really do this Stacie? Is it really worth it?" Suddenly I feel like I can do this and I will do it because I simply cannot wait to live the life that is waiting for me.   

Chat soon guys 
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