Hello my lovelies!
I am beyond overwhelmed by the response mine and meggy's Cosmo article has gotten. I always slightly worry about what people will think, because as a human girl we generally worry about stupid things LOL. So many people have messaged me though and told me that they've been out and brought it just to read the article. The article is obviously only a snapshot of our lives, a slice of the pie if you will, but it definitely shows and demonstrates some of the emotions that people like myself experience whilst on the transplant list and also what a close family member has to go through too. Obviously those of you who read my blog regularly know that that's only a piece of what I have had to go through and you've been on this journey with me too and understand that even on my blog not all of what I go through gets put on here and I think that would be an impossible task. The range of emotions that go through my head on a daily basis is insane and ridiculous and I would literally be attached to my blog if I wrote all of that down and to be perfectly honest it wouldn't make for great reading as it would be pretty boring lol.
If I could hug and thank everyone who has messaged me, sent me love and support i really would, it really means the world to me that people actually care what happens to me and want to see me get my new heart and lungs just as badly I as I do sometimes. It warms the cockles of my heart :D
I suppose in addition to that I should sort of update you a little as my last proper blog was a bit of a memory lane blog which just a FYI me and Meg discussed it again and are still set on Harry Potter universe ;). This week has been a bit of a hectic one really, having blood tests here there and everywhere. I had the dentist on Monday and today as well because my wonderful tooth needs a stupid crown and I currently have a temporary one on it after todays visit which has resulted in the most sensitive tooth on the planet. I don't know if I've ever mentioned it but you have to have regular dental check-ups when you're on the transplant list I can't actually remember the reason LOL but I think it has to do with infection and all that lovely stuff but anyway I have genetically awful teeth and therefore I always end up needing something done when I go which sucks but you know all in the name of dental hygiene I suppose :D
I also have a visit to Papworth on Friday which I'm super looking forward to, I get to see Bernice, as she's having a mini break there to have her first biopsy on her shiny new lungs, yay awesome coincidence. I will however have to tell Papworth about the ever worsening chest pains, the increased use of oxygen and the wonderful anxiety development at night time. Thats going to be a really fun conversation LOL.
I have however discovered a way of avoiding the anxiety about dying during my sleep I literally don't get into bed until I know I'm not going to be able to stay awake much longer and because I feel dead on my feet I fall asleep pretty quickly and so I don't have that much time worry about it. It doesn't always work but it's the only solution I have at the moment.
Overall though guys I feel like mentally I'm a lot better than I was in January and even in February. I've kind accepted the fact that I'm getting worse and that even the increase in my drugs didn't help, although it may have internally and I'm just not feeling the affects of it which is likely and probable in which case it was beneficial in that regard. But I'm happy at the moment which I'm really pleased about. Happy is my default emotion and it bugs me when I'm not happy because I have so many reasons to be happy.
Sometimes I have to give myself a talking to and remind myself that there are people who are far worse off than myself and that I still have a ray of hope however annoyingly late it may be ;)
Chat soon guys