I'm out of hospital, sort of...

Hey Blogland, 

So I went into hospital for a few days in-between writing the last blog post and this one. Why you ask, well My line was leaking for who knows what reason and I had to go and get that checked out because I have no idea how to fix a leaking line. However luckily that was discovered to just be a super dodgy set of BDQ connectors but they kept me in hospital because of my ever continuing battle with this sodding surface infection around my line. Yes it is still there. So Great Western (GW) rang Hammersmith and one of my specialist nurses told them they had to keep me in and that they were going to try and transfer me over to Hammersmith as soon as possible because they wanted to take the line out. So there's me with pretty much my entire bedroom in tow ready for a exceedingly long stay at GW and Hammersmith. 

Move on a little bit of time and I've changed doctors several times in the GW and the 2nd to last doctor I saw just wasn't entirely sure why I was there because my surface infection is not alarmingly bad, Hammersmith would just prefer that it was not there. She didn't like the idea of me taking up a bed (because they weren't doing anything to me) waiting to be moved to another hospital and Hammersmith has said there definitely would not be a bed this side of the Bank Holiday. So the doctors started to talk to Hammersmith yet again whereby they were now talking to a different one of my specialist nurses. She wanted to speak to me to get a full idea of what it looked like because the doctors at GW clearly aren't all that great at communicating. We came to the conclusion that they would bring my Hammersmith clinic appointment forward so they can really have a look at the line site and then if need be they can admit me from there because they didn't want me sitting in hospital anymore than I needed to. Also my nurse knows about my anxiety and didn't want to make it worse. So I'll be seeing Hammersmith next week or early the week after to finally get it sorted, hopefully. Or you know if the Universe would PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE give me my transplant already I would super appreciate it!

The good thing that came out of it was that I got to see Megan at work. Megan is a Ward Clerk on the SAU (Surgical assessment unit) which was literally next to where they were keeping me for a while. Now Megan has never known what she wanted to be or do but she found that she wanted to work in medicine in some form. She loves her job. I know very few people who love their job but it's so wonderful to see my sister do something she really enjoys doing and something she is going to be able to work her way up in as well. I was a very proud twinny when I watching her working. 

Unfortunately my anxiety played up a bit while I was there, Megan said she was about to go home and I was suddenly feeling all panicky and was in sobs of tears because I kept thinking that if I was alone I was going to die (I'm actually and idiot, how many times have I stayed in hospital? About a billion!) but recently I've been okay going to sleep because I know my parents are in the house and I'm never alone but Megan said she was leaving work and suddenly my brain was like, "You're going to be alone Stacie. Something will happen" and I was just there sobbing, which ultimately made Megan cry (sorry Pegs) and Megan doesn't cry, ever! Then Megan made one of her work people cry and my mum and dad turned up to see what was wrong and I was a mess, a absolute wreck. SO stupid this anxiety thing is getting out of hand. Not Cool!  
Chat soon guys 

1 comment:

  1. Oh Stacie I think you are being a bit hard on yourself. Anxiety is a horrible thing and not really something you can have a lot of control over. Please don't beat yourself up when it happens. I know you can look back on a panic attack and think "wow that was so stupid" but with all you are going through and all you have been through it is completely understandable.
    I have just finished reading this book: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B007D3ROZQ?pc_redir=1398352594&robot_redir=1
    It is a funny and quite helpful look at anxiety from one of my favourite columnists. Might be worth a look:)


Thank-you for commenting <3