7.8.14

Being a grown-up...

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Hello my lovelies! 

If you've read my "About me" page then you will know I'm not exactly young being 23 and all. I suppose most of you reading this will assume being 23 means I'm a grown-up I certainly thought when I was younger being in my 20's would mean I was a "proper" adult. I was talking to a friend of mine and we were just talking about you know general life things and I kind of wondered when we became adults or if we actually are? 

My twin sister and her Fiancee have brought a house and that's extremely "adult" in my opinion. My older sister has children and also lives with her fiancee and they have their own little family, that is as near enough as adult as you can get. Then my friends, pretty much all of them have full time jobs, have graduated from university are building lives for themselves, doing what I thought I would be doing by now too. My friend Rosie's dedication about getting the experience she needs for what she wants to become puts her VERY high up on my "people I admire" list and all of this just seems very grown-up to me. 

When ever I'm around my family and friends though I don't feel like any of us are really grown-ups but I feel like their life stories say different. I don't feel like I have become the grown-up I was meant to be yet. There are those that will probably think that a lot of what I have done and have been through seems very grown-up but to me it isn't, I know children who are going through what I have been through and some who have been through worse, does that make them a grown-up? It just means people like myself have been through a lot for our age. 

I suppose in some sense my medical stuff makes me a grown-up. I make up my medication which goes in me intravenously and therefore has to be made up in a sterile environment and probably wouldn't be trusted with a child what with needles and things. I'm in control of all my other medication so much so that I do not trust even nurses to administer them to me. I go to my hospital appointments by myself, I'm in control of when my weekly and monthly bloods are done. I pick up my prescription. All of that screams "grown-up" yet I still don't feel like it.     

I think for me being a grown-up means paying rent or a mortgage, paying bills [<-- I kind of do already do this but not to the extent that most people have to], having a full time job, having your own place, all those classic things which to me just signify that you are officially a grown-up. 

I'm very lucky that my parents do not charge me rent or ask for money towards their bills and any money I do have is my own which helps me to get out and about to and from hospital as I get taxis' pretty much everywhere and I get to enjoy time with my friends too. There is this small part of me that wonders when I'm actually going to get to be a grown-up. Will it be when I eventually graduate? But I still plan on doing a PGCE after that. Will it be when I get my transplant? But then I still have a long recovery time after that. Will it be when I eventually get a full time job? When I pluck up the courage to actually move out post transplant? 

I'm not sure I actually want to be a grown-up because it sounds really hard a lot of the time, plus I think even when I eventually get to do all of the things I consider being a grown-up I still won't be one because I will never give up disney, I'll never give up junk food movie days with my friends. I think it's just a case of me wanting to do all the things I've always wanted to do and it just so happens that most of those things are what I consider to mean being a grown-up. Maybe none of us ever actually grow up though because I will still have the attitude and mind I do now just with the stresses that are placed on adults.    

2 comments:

  1. Oh, if I had a penny for every time I thought "am I too old for this?", I'd be... well, not rich, but have considerable funds in my "nice things" account.

    There was this article about the "marching orders for those who are over 25" which really spoke to me. It basically went, don't give up on the fun, silly things - indeed, they make life more bearable - but don't use your age as an excuse to avoid acting in responsible, considerate and mature fashion. And that's really what being a grown-up should be about, to me anyway - being able to be mature and responsible for oneself and to others. (found it: http://tomatonation.com/stories-true-and-otherwise/25-and-over/)

    I have to admit - there are things about my life I'm not entirely happy about. I had these unrealistic expectations that by my age (almost 23) I'd have a place of my own, a high-fling job, and a side-career as a writer, yet, I do not. Mostly because, when I made those plans, I had very unrealistic expectations of what being a grown-up meant. I only focused on the trappings, not on what it takes to actually get there.

    I don't consider myself a child. I think about how much more different I was a year ago, what experiences I've accumulated, and how I matured in the process. It's a work in progress, but I'm glad to notice my progress, if that makes any sense.

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  2. Being a grown up and doing all the grown up things scare me too. I'm 20 currently studying in my second year of uni and about to move out with a few friends in Nottingham. The whole moving out thing has been on mind ever since I signed the papers, however grown up that sounds I still do not feel not grown up at all. Like you I think we all have to grow up one day but grown up means different things to different people. :)

    Great post!

    x

    pwndbyrach.blogspot.com

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