1.10.14

Okay?

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Hey guys! A fair few people are asking me if I'm okay after last week. Some days I am okay and other days I'm not. I think that's just like anyone in any situation though you know? Some days I don't want to talk about it because it makes me angry at the world and just people in general and I ask "why am I being tortured in this weird unusual way?" Other days it doesn't seem like that big of an issue, like it happened and that's okay, it just wasn't meant to be. I don't know what I'm meant to be feeling in all honesty. There are those who seem to think I'm really sad or upset or at least I should be, Should I be? Is that what I'm meant to be feeling? I know I was sad on the day and definitely the day after but right now I definitely wouldn't say sad or upset is the emotion I have towards not getting my transplant. Angry that is definitely one of the emotions I flit to and from I'm not sure if that says more about me though than the actually emotion I'm feeling.

I think the main reason I flit to and from angry and okay is because I was just SO ready for it to happen on Thursday, I feel like I was mentally prepared for it and I just wanted it to happen already and I'm angry that, that got taken away. Does that make sense? 

I have so much support though and so that angry feeling doesn't last too long at all. I could have been angry today because I was restricted to staying in bed trying to make my chest pains disappear and my breathing better but I found out that one of my transplant friends finally got her Liver today which I was over the moon about and Maxine is just so lovely and I was just massively happy for her. She write a blog [here] if you want to check it out, I think that would be a good thing for you guys to read because I constantly talk about what waiting for heart and lungs is like so you could find out what it's like waiting for a Liver it would be a different perspective :).

So for you guys asking me if I'm okay, I am and when I'm not I definitely will be. It is just one of those things that unfortunately, in my kind of life, get thrown at you. I love you all for worrying and asking though, it means a lot and I just hope that one day you are asking me if I'm okay because the transplant has happened and I'm recovering LOL. 

As always, thank-you for reading guys and chat soon 
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2 comments:

  1. Hi, Stacie! I missed last week's post and am catching up on it now. I'm sending you love and best wishes on your journey! I'm thousands of miles away and don't know you personally but know that through this medium (your blog) you have reached many people.
    <3
    xx

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  2. Coco said everything i wanted to say. My positive thinking will be there for you. I send you a far away hag. Be patient and everything will be ok one day...
    Lots of love from Greece,
    Eva ~ Jajala Majala ( http://evasbits.blogspot.gr )

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Thank-you for commenting <3