31.7.14

New Facebook Page and a little update...

Hello my lovelies. 


So over the past few days I have been working on a New Facebook Page... Why? Well my Old Facebook Page wasn't so much of a Facebook page as it was a "group" which you can still join by the way as it's where my family may post updates about me getting my transplant if I can't update you first. 

I just wanted a Facebook Page that went more with my Blog if that makes sense? I feel like it looks much better plus I know some of you may not use Bloglovin or Twitter or Google + and just stick with good old Facebook but I know that with the most recent update on it (which I despise fyi) posts aren't in a chronological order anymore, which annoys me to no end! So this just makes it easier for you guys to go and see and be updated if you wanted to be.   

I may also be posting some things on my Youtube channel that I have had for too many years to count now (feeling like a old timer) and not actually really used, just watched my fav Youtubers as do most of us. I'm thinking of doing just little day in the life videos every now and then, now that I actually have the free time to be able to do them. I tried once before, it went horrifically wrong LOL. But just look out for that if you wanted to watch little snippets of my days every now and then I did actually film bits and bobs from today so we'll see if I can compile something worth watching from that. I just thought I would just keep you guys in the loop rather than just spring things on you. So if you want to go Like my New Facebook Page you can or go subscribe to my Youtube channel in preparation then please feel free too, I'm sure I will let you know here as well when I actually do upload.




As always, thank-you for reading guys and chat soon 
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29.7.14

Harry Potter Tag...

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So we all know I'm a sucker for anything Harry Potter related and I very rarely do "Tags" but when I read Hayley's blogpost where she did the "Harry Potter Tag" I just had to do it so here we go...

1.What is your favourite book?
I really love 'The Goblet of Fire' and 'The Deathly Hallows' but if I had to just choose one I think Deathly Hallows would probably steal it. I think though the reason that Deathly Hallows probably steals it though is because everything suddenly makes sense and things are revealed but all the previous books helped build upon the amazingness of the Deathly Hallows so it was a massive joint effort on all the books parts :) 

2. What is your favourite Film?
You know I really thought I was going to say 'The Deathly Hallows part 2' for this one but I actually loved 'The Half blood Prince' I think because there was a lot more hilarious bits in there for me that I really enjoyed and 'The Order of the Phoenix' was just a massive disappointment for me so after that 'The Half Blood Prince' was just amazing. But I would say 'The Philosopher Stone' was probably a joint favourite for me because it was where it all started and that movie was just magical watching everything that I read just come to life for the first time and I was only 11 when I saw that movie and about to go up to secondary school the following September and I was determined that I was going to go to Hogwarts and that movie was just preparing me for it. What a strange child I was lol.

3. What is your least favourite book?
I have never really enjoyed 'The Chamber of Secrets' I'm not even sure why but in the millions of times that I have re-read the books it just doesn't seem to quite measure up to the rest. 

4. What is your least favourite film?
I would say it would have to be "The Order of the Phoenix' and this isn't because it was a bad movie per se but it was just such a massive let down from the book. I felt like it just missed so much stuff out from the book that 16 year old Stacie thought was vitally important and should have made it on screen. It just wasn't as amazing as I wanted it to be.  
5. What parts of the books/films made you cry?
I don't think I actually ever cried whilst reading the books but there were parts that made me sad like when you found out that Snape had been in love with Lily all along and Dobby dies. But watching the movies I was a mess when Dobby died. Dobby was a particularly favourite character of mine and to see him die was heart wrenching.   

6. If you could hook up with a character who would it be?
You know I don't even know. Maybe Ron, or one of the Weasley twins?  

7. Who is your favourite character? 
Oh I don't know. Probably Dobby though I have always had a soft spot for Dobby. 

8. Who is your least favourite character?
Fenrir Greyback. I know it is probably a odd one to choose but the idea and image of him just creeps me out and the way he likes to bite children just seems slightly peodophilic to me, just creepy!

9. What is your least favourite line?
I don't actually have a least favourite line. I don't really read books looking for a line I hate the most or watch a movie and think "that was a awful line" I tend to think about lines that stand out the most. 

10. What would your patronus be?
I swear I've done a internet patronus test before I cannot for the life of me remember what I got though. I'm sure I would get a cat or something Feline though like a tiger or a lion or something. I'm just too much of a cat person for it not to be but not in the Dolores Umbridge kind of way ;)

11. If you could have a resurrection stone, invisibility cloak or elder wand which would you choose? 
The resurrection stone seems a bit pointless to me so it would have to be either the invisibility cloak or the Elder wand. I think the Elder wand would win out though but I would totally be like Dumbledore and not advertise that I had it because I wouldn't want to be hunted down for the wand. 

12. Which house would you be in? 
So there's a story for this one guys. When I was in Year 6 those many moons ago back between September of 2001 and July of 2002 I had a teacher who was obsessed with Harry Potter. We got to listen to the Harry Potter's on cassette tapes, you know the ones Stephen Fry narrates but it also meant the tables we sat on were named after the Hogwart houses. They were a bit like the sets we had when we moved into Secondary school. So people who were on the Ravenclaw table were the smartest and probably didn't need too much help with their work, so it was the highest table, then it was Gryffindor next highest, then it was Slytherin and then Hufflepuff. I was on Ravenclaw Table I was actually quite a smart child I'm not entirely sure when that stopped lol. Young Stacie though would have definitely been in Ravenclaw, the more adult and mature Stacie would probably be in Gryffindor.
    
13. If you could meet any member of the cast who would it be?
It would probably be the big 3, Emma, Rupert and Daniel, just because if you're going to meet any of the cast I feel like it would have to be them. 

14. If you were on the Quidditch team which position would you play? 
Probably it would be a Keeper just because whenever I have ever played football in my life I have always been a goalkeeper so I suppose that sort of translates into the Quidditch world. 

15. Were you happy with the ending? 
Yes and No. I thought it was a perfectly good ending and I quite liked finding out that they all had children and all of that type of thing but I would definitely just like more books following their lives and their children's lives, you know? I just can't let go I suppose. 

16. How much does Harry Potter mean to you?
If you know me you will know that Harry Potter is just a massive part of who I am I love it SO much! It was always there in my childhood I was reading the books before the movies came out and then I was always there on the first day a movie would come out to go and see it. I just think it is so relatable and I know it's a young adults book but it has themes and messages in there that teach children some really valuable life lessons and it is something I will be forcing my nieces and nephews to read when they get older and when they have more of an attention span I'll probably read it to them as well. 
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SO guys there you are, there is my version of the Harry Potter Tag that I just had to do after reading the lovely Hayley's one from Water Painted Dreams. Go and check that out. I got far to into this Tag and it has now made me want to re-read the books even though I have already done that fairly recently lol. And it's making me want to revisit the Harry Potter studios again. I think we actually plan on doing that again in December. Yes I know obsessed. 
 
Chat soon guys
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28.7.14

Weekend recap...

Hello my lovelies! 

So I thought today I would just do a bit of a weekend recap for you guys and let you know what I've been up to. I've just spent the weekend with friends really. On Friday I spent it with my now ex-work chummies. One of the people who I used to work with, Luke, has decided to leave Smiths so a bunch of us gathered and had a nice meal and gave him a card and presents and all of that lovely stuff. I'm kind of getting used to not missing work but just missing the people that I worked with if that makes sense. A few of them are leaving now so I don't miss it so much because work wouldn't be the same as it was when I worked there and there's new management and all of that type of thing. I used to get on really well with my old manager and I'm not sure the new one would have really fitted well with me. So it's little steps but I'm beginning to not miss it so much.  


On Saturday Me, Gina and my friend Emma made our way to London for a "MIC Party" (Made in Chelsea for those that don't know). It definitely wasn't what we expected but we still had a good night and we had a really nice Hotel room which we loved!! I definitely know where I'm going to be staying for the Cosmo Blog Awards this year. We stayed in the Hilton literally next to Paddington station. I chose it because it was exceedingly convenient and I managed to get a executive room really cheap which was good because it meant we could get free drinks from the executive lounge which as you all probably know are pretty pricey as soon as you enter the London area. I managed to wear heels!!! Which if you read regularly that is kind of a big deal for me, I can't usually wear heels for more than and hour but I was having a really good day like health wise/breathing wise and I was  in my heels for like a good 3 hours which is unheard of for me :). It was just nice to spend time with Gina and Emma really. Me and Emma used to work together quite a lot but then I got sicker my days became shorter and less frequent but we're still good friends so it was just nice to spend time with her. 

Tallest Room on the planet. I swear! 
Dressing Gowns :-D  
Beautiful Friends :) 
Taxi time :) 
We plan on actually doing a trip where it is what we expect like the London Eye, or Madam Tussauds or Harrods because you cannot go wrong with Harrods. Considering how much time I spend in London I have never actually done the whole London Eye, Madam Tussauds  thing. I never really get the chance to just be a tourist. I reckon that must be the same wherever you live or visit frequently. I assume New Yorkers probably don't do the tourist things that I would probably do if I were to ever go over there. I think people just tend to take where they live for granted or if you're like me when you're in the place you're to busy doing the things you need to do to actually do the things a tourist would do while they would be visiting. Like I have never visited Buckingham Palace, I've walked past it, Driven past it even had my picture taken in front of it but never actually been inside it even though it's something I really want to do.

All train anxiety was non-existent this weekend which I was super chuffed about. I think it is all in the planning. There was no rushing for trains which I hate doing when we left they called the train platform 20 minutes before it was due to leave which meant we could just stroll to the train without feeling pressured to get on it. It sounds so stupid when I say it but all of these things seem to matter to me. I also brought lots of Millie's cookies which I tried to like force feed Emma and Gina but they weren't having any of it LOL. 

All in all it has been a great weekend spent with great friends. I hope your weekends have been great as well guys. 

Chat soon guys
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25.7.14

When a Best-friend returns...

Hello my lovelies. So Yesterday I finally, after 15months of her being away, got to see Gina one of my bestest friends in the entire world
It was honestly just so lovely to see her again. I think when someone goes away you just kind of place them in a little part of your brain so you can't miss them too much. It's like a safety mechanism and one that worked well for the past 15months. We enjoyed a really great day of just a lot of talking really. We went to Meggy's house first because Gina has yet to see Meggy's new house and just talked for ages, about wedding stuff, life stuff, Australia stuff, health stuff we talked about it all. We went to (you guessed it) Pizza Hut for lunch because Gina has been deprived of Pizza Hut whilst being in Australia and then we went back to Meg's because Gina told us... wait for it... That she has NEVER SEEN FROZEN!!! If I could insert shocked emojis here there would be about a thousand that's how shocked I was! Apparently while she was in Australia she was cut off from the sheer delight that is "Frozen".... or she was just doing actual adult things LOL. So we introduced her to the phenomenon that is Frozen I think we spoke to much though for her to really be absorbed by it's magic, whoops!  
It was really just SO awesome to see her. If you've read my "About Me" page you will know that I don't have loads and loads of really close friends. I have friends obviously but they aren't people that I would guarantee that will be my friends for life not because I don't love them or anything like that but because as a general rule friendships can run their course, or people lose touch, people change and that does happen. Then we have my Best-friends. Best-friend is not a term I use lightly. If some-one is my best-friend it is someone I expect to be a part of my life till the end of my days, they are the people that I know I would do anything for and they would do the same in return. Gina is one of the few best-friends I have. Even though we both hoped in the 15 months that she was away that I would get my transplant there is this small part of us that is slightly relieved that she will now definitely be here in the UK to be here for it. I was more than ready to have my transplant while she was away in Australia but I'm so happy that she's back now to actually be here for it. 
I'm just happy to finally have my friend back and it's her Birthday today which is super exciting I gave her, her present yesterday which was a beautiful Teacup and saucer with a matching sandwich plate I think that's what it's called. It was a super posh teacup that I personally would be super afraid to use but Gee is gathering things for when her and her Boyfriend Mike move in together and she wants unique individual teacups, it's a really cute idea. I also got her socks because I assumed on her return to England she would need them I didn't anticipate this ridiculous weather we are currently having LOL but sure enough I'm sure the UK will return to it's cold rainy days where the cosy socks will once again come in handy. I won't be seeing her today as I have plans but I will be seeing her on Saturday with a few of my other chum chums when we go on our London adventures :-D. 

Chat soon guys
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23.7.14

Scars...

Okay so from the title we probably know already what I'm going to be talking about and that is 'Scars.' 

Not the metaphorical emotional scars that we hear quite a lot about these days but actual physical scars. Now as a person I scar fairly easily. I have had my fair share of scars over the years inflicted by medical procedures but also from doing things that normal children do like falling over in parks, unsuccessful attempts at rollerblading, equally unsuccessful attempts at walking on stilts the list goes on and my legs are a massive storyboard about my childhood (really they are a sight to behold). The thing is as a child and teenager scars never really occupied that much of my mind or took up that much time in my day. 

It is only in the past year that scars have really been on my mind. Scars I have had in the past are easily hidden all my childhood operations/surgeries were done in places that are easily concealed and no-one ever sees. Any scars on my legs were either done so long ago that they they are very faint or can easily be concealed with a pair of nude tights, simples. However in the past year I have gained a few scars which I can't conceal unless I wear very high necked tops and depending on what type of top they are they can sometimes be quite unflattering but I'm a great believer in "Why should I hide my scars?" and I will be gaining a pretty massive one when I eventually get my transplant so I have to get used to them I guess. 

I'm going to be showing you a picture of the visible scars that I have and tell you about the insecurities I have with them. 
So here you have my wonderful chest in the most unflattering bra in history, that'll teach me to take photos while I'm in my Pyjamas. So this photo is completely unfiltered this is what my chest looks like in all its pale glory. Every single thing in this picture has only been acquired in the past year. Now as a whole I am quite a confident person, or at least I'm able to put a filter up that tells people that I am. As a person I like to wear tops that are mesh, that have low V's in them, that are kind of netted, that's the kind of style that I like the thing with that is I can't wear that without the whole world being able to see all of this lovely stuff on my chest.

When I'm with family it is fine my nephews are actually pretty cute they'll ask aunty Stacie if she has a sore or if she is poorly and when you say yes Jaydon will reply with his standard "It's okay you go to the doctor and you'll be okay" bless his little heart. When I'm out in public though if that is the type of top that I am wearing then I can see people looking at my scars and my line and as much as I don't really care what people think about me I would rather people just straight out ask me what it's for or how I got my scars. Having someone just stare at your chest is a little disconcerting.

There are even things that people probably wouldn't even notice that I worry people will notice, which the sane and rational Stacie knows but irrational Stacie worries about. If you look on the photo on the right hand side of my neck which is actually my left hand side in real life you can see what looks like a bone or vein or something. What that actually is, is my Line going through my artery under the surface. Probably something non of you would have even thought to look at but there's that small part of my brain that says "People are staring Stacie, try and hide it." It's so beyond ridiculous and I know it is but I think we all have that irrational part of us don't we?

When I eventually get my transplant I will have a few more scars where my current line is as the line will have to be taken out and god forbid if I ever had have another one put in there would obviously be more scars from that. But we are all hoping I get my transplant before that ever happens.

I'm probably quite lucky really I know people that have been having different types of lines and ports put in to them for years upon years. I think it's just something I'm finding hard to get used to. If I've ever mentioned scars to people in the past a lot, and I mean a lot of people say "Well a scar is small price to pay for being alive" and while yes that is true it doesn't make me any less self conscious about it and I constantly worry that the scar I will get from transplant won't come out how the doctors promise me it will. I'm prepared for it don't get me wrong but it is just going to be very strange to look in the mirror and see a massive scar on me where before there was nothing and I take forever to heal and I'm worried about that too in regards to scars that is.

It's little things in the grand scheme of things, I know, but I do worry and I think it's healthy for me to express those worries without being reprimanded for them. Scars tell stories I suppose I just have to see each scar as a story I can tell my nieces and nephews one day :) 
     
Chat soon guys
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20.7.14

Some things make even the saddest things better...

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Today I have been waiting for my transplant for 2 years 3 months. That is a very, very long time especially when you are the person waiting. Normally I would be sad on this day but today one of my best friends in the entire world came back from Australia which has just completely overridden any sad/unhappy feelings I have towards this day. 

I'm extremely lucky that I'm quite stable and I'm not lying in some hospital bed somewhere waiting for my transplant because that would be awful and that would mean I would be unstable and extremely ill and we would then have to start thinking of some alternatives. So I'm so thankful that I am where I am and I'm definitely trying not to look at this day as anything more than a day. 

Also luckily for me the fact that I am stable and not waiting in a hospital for my transplant means I get to see Gina now that she is back from the land of Oz. I don't get to see her till Thursday but that's okay 4 days after not seeing her for like 15 months is nothing. 

Me and Gina have been friends since we were 11 years old. She is one of the first friends I made when I started Secondary school (high school) that is 12 years we've been friends, that's over half our lives. Me and Gina are the kind of friends that can go months without talking to each other yet when we se each other, it's like no time has past at all. We did actually go two years without talking to each other, not because we fell out or anything but because we had left school and you know when people just drift apart but then when we met up again it was like no time had past and it was like it was yesterday that we had seen each other. 

So the fact that I get to see Gina on Thursday makes me one very excited Stacie and it means I get to give her, her Birthday present as Gina is joining the grand old age club of 23 on Friday. I think this will be one of the first months in a while where I haven't been upset about still waiting, I'm just too excited and giddy to dwell on it this month ;) 

Chat soon guys
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18.7.14

Blogging for 2 YEARS...

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My, my, my, it's been 2 whole years since I started up my little old blog and I cannot quite believe it! Last year I spent my blogging anniversary in hospital fighting a very serious infection which was kind of killing me and this year it is once again very hot but I get to celebrate it from home. It's maybe not exactly how I would have liked to be celebrating it  I kind of hoped by now I would have had my transplant and I would have liked to have been getting on with my life but all that being said this year has had it's ups and its downs but I'm going to be sharing with you the posts which I think have been particular highlights of the year or have been significant in one way or another. 

After getting over my infection, August to September were pretty uneventful in the way of actually doing anything but towards the end of September beginning of October one of my wonderful Transplant/PH buddies Kath got her Heart and Lung transplant  I remember very vividly the day that happened and you can reminisce with me in this blogpost where I talk about Kath getting her transplant. I can't believe that was so long ago but I'm so immensely proud of how well Kath is doing and that was definitely a highlight of my year. 

Not long after Kaths transplant I got to go to the Cosmopolitan Blog awards 2013 as Life is worth the fight got shortlisted for "Best Lifestyle Blog" which was a insane experience and something I did not expect in a million years. I got to take my sister and we had a wonderful time meeting fellow bloggers and getting all dressed up for it. It was really nice looking at that blogpost again because I haven't seen it in a while and it just brought back nice happy memories. 

I can't say the next one was a highlight really but it was a moment of significant importance in the last year and that is when I got my Second False alarm. It wasn't a happy memory for me, in fact it brings up horrible scared memories for me but it was significant and it was actually something that was a stepping stone in my realisation of why I really do need my transplant. 

My next most significant blogpost was when Bernice got her Transplant. Bernice has become one of my Best-friends and seeing her get her transplant was just one of the happiest days ever. As much as I want my transplant I was just a giddy idiot that day because I was SO happy seeing her get her transplant. It made me believe in miracles again that day and as much as I still do believe, belief fades but when something that amazing happens your belief comes back tenfold, it was just amazing. 

You would think I would be posting quite a lot of posts of my Birthday and my Christmas but I was quite depressed/sad/upset over christmas and as much as I tried to enjoy it there was a shadow over it for me. Then the beginning part of the year was just flooded with A&E after A&E visits and just so many hospital admissions so it's hard to really pick a particularly significant or happy post from the early part of the year. 

My next post is not a happy post but certainly a significant post for me. It was a post where I was 100% honest with you guys. Not that I'm not always but there are some things that I hold back from you guys because I don't want to upset or scare you but my post "An awfully big adventure" was the most honest post I have ever written and I know it upset some of the people who read it but it was something I had to share and I feel like that post was definitely a turning point for me in regards to my anxiety and my ability to share things with my friends and family. 

My Haven post is probably one of my favourites this year because I feel like you guys got to know me a lot better through that post because I was showing you somewhere that I spend about 70% of my time and I really just enjoyed sharing that part of myself with you guys. 

So my Vampire Diaries convention is always a massive highlight of the year for me and if you haven't seen that post yet please go check it out; Insurgence 6 post it's just great to meet up with old friends and share in something we all enjoy so that will always be a highlight of the year for me :). 

And finally the most recent highlight of the blogging year for me is being  Shortlisted for the Cosmo Blog Awards 2014  that is something I honestly never expected to happen especially after being shortlisted last year and I still am in complete shock about it. It is all thanks to you guys and I don't know how to thank-you except to just keep saying thank-you! 

This blog is something I am so immensely proud of, when I started it, it was somewhere for me to get it all down and it still is. This is place where people can read about my life and know that I speak with frank honesty, somewhere people can come to gain an insight into the life of someone waiting for 3 new organs, someone living a life with a terminal illness but for anyone who also has been newly diagnosed that it isn't a death sentence life is still a wonderful and precious thing that can be lived just slightly alternatively. 

At the moment it continues to be a pre-transplant blog but I certainly hope that one day it will be a post transplant blog and I continue to thank-you all for being on this journey with me. So here's to the next exciting year :-D

Chat soon guys
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17.7.14

Heat be gone...

Learn to love the rain | source
I am so beyond over this so called "nice" weather we've been having lately. If you aren't from the UK then just so you know we've been having a string of quite hot days which for the UK is a bit unusual, but the thing is with the UK we never just get nice weather where it's really warm and there's a nice breeze to go along with it. It is always really, really humid which is different from nice hot weather. For some of us with lung and/or heart conditions humidity is the enemy. Breathing becomes really shallow and heart beat is somewhere in the hundreds without any kind of exertion and it's honestly awful. 

I am not your typical Brit. As a nation we tend to complain no matter what weather we have. When it's hot, it's too hot when it's cold it's too cold. We're never happy with whatever weather we have. It's what we do, if you're in a taxi and you have nothing to talk to your taxis driver about you talk about the weather, it's the rule! But me not being your typical Brit I will never complain when it's cold and raining... Give me Rain and cold any day over hot and humid and you won't hear a word of complaint from me. 

Hey maybe when I have my transplant my new heart and lungs will actually like hot weather and I'll be able to cope with it much better, which I really kind of hope they do because it would be nice to go for a walk in park or whatever and enjoy the sun and heat without having to cart around a oxygen cylinder or whatever... That would be nice. 

I wish I had lots of life news to update you on but it would seem I have a fairly boring life at the moment. Next week however one of my Best-friends, Gina, is returning from her 17months in Australia and I am so excited to see her! There's a small part of me that thinks maybe my transplant will happen when she gets back which would be so beyond amazing because Gina has been there through it all and I can't really imagine doing it without having visits from her while I'm there, it's going to be awesome!

Chat soon guys
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13.7.14

Miss Erika...


Hello my wonderful blogland. 

So today I am going to be introducing you to the lovely Miss Erika. You've likely heard me mention Erika before now in previous posts like the one just before I had my line put in and a few more after that. Erika is my lovely PH buddy who lives here in Swindon, she is 15 years old, just about to turn 16 and we meet up every now and then just to talk, have pizza and just generally have a laugh.  

You are probably wondering why I am introducing her to you guys. The thing is, you guys probably don't realise how rare it is to find someone in the same town with PH let alone someone you get on with and actually like. So Erika is a very special person. It's so nice to just be able to talk about everything with her not have to hold back on something because we're worried about offending or scaring someone with how open and candid we are about our disease. Erika is a bit further along with our disease than I was at her age, she's had an assessment for lung transplant but is currently holding off on it which I admire. Generally though it's just nice to know theres someone close by going through the same thing you are and Erika always knows I'm here if she ever needs anything. 

Erika has recently started a blog as well which I am so proud of her for doing! I honestly believe that writing things down can massively help in situations like ours, it's an easy way of letting people know how you are feeling without having to actually face the torment of telling someone and expressing yourself. She's called it Tinkerbellaaaaa xo and it's a bit like my blog where she talks about herself but talks about the things she likes and enjoys too, it's really good so definitely go and check it out. 

In general life news not much has been happening really, I've just been enjoying time in the sun with my nephews. I've done a fair bit of shopping, naughty! I may do a post on what I brought at some point but except for that I've just been relaxing. I've discovered Prison Break which is amazing and I can't believe I didn't take Rosie's advice when she told me years ago to watch it. It's just so good. Me and Meg have something exciting happening on Tuesday which I'm looking forward to and will tell you more about next week :-P. Life is good though blogland and I hope it is good with you too. 

                                           
Chat soon guys
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9.7.14

Courage....

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You know Transplant week is such a great opportunity to get the word out about organ donation, the the severe lack of donors in this country and the amount of families that don't consent to organ donation when their loved one has passed. This year I am seeing so many wonderful stories about people who got their call and are now on the other side celebrating their new life, getting used to their new routines and essentially their newly acquired condition because for those of you that don't actually know transplant isn't a cure for any of us. It may seem like that because a lot of people go from literally being at deaths door to someone full of life and colour but what transplant actually is, is a trade. What does that mean? Well transplant is for most of us a swap from one condition to another but the trade should provide us with a much better quality of life; working organs that just need a little bit of help staying in good nick from a few pills rather than the non functioning ones we have or had. For those with Cystic Fibrosis it isn't even a trade they will still have cystic fibrosis even after a transplant, transplant just buys them hopefully a lot more time. 

I'm seeing lots of my friends stories again and they remind me of how excited I was when their calls happened and how far they have come in the time since their transplants I feel like a proud mum or sister. It makes me so happy seeing them do everything they wanted to do and living the lives they always wanted to live, making the most of it because they know how fragile and precious life is. As wonderful as it is to see all these success stories it makes me think about all the people we've lost along the way. One thousand of us waiting for a transplant die A YEAR waiting for organs that sadly don't come in time, that is THREE people A DAY. There's around 7000 of us waiting at the moment and there's really no need for us to die if more people said yes to organ donation. 

I was a bit sad Sunday because I was seeing all these stories and I just so wanted be able to be one of those success stories, I remember last year thinking "next year I can make a collage of my before and after for transplant week." I hate still being stuck in the before story part of my life. As most of you will know I don't like relying on people I like to do things for myself but transplant is something I have zero control over I can't magically make my transplant happen. I have to rely on some poor family out there somewhere going through the most terrible moment of their lives to say yes to help someone they do not know and probably never will know and make it the best day of my life. I try not to think about it too much because it is just such a awful thing to think about and I can't imagine how much courage it must take to try and push through that grief and actually say yes. 

I just hope Transplant week gives some people that courage.

 - If you want to check out some amazing peoples stories there's a group which I am a part of where lots of people have shared their amazing and inspiring stories Heart Transplant Families UK they're a wonderful bunch. 

- For those of you who would like to sign up to be organ donors you can click HERE but please if you do, make sure you let your families know that's what you want. 

Chat soon guys
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7.7.14

Cosmo Blog Awards 2014...

Hello my lovelies.

So you've probably guessed by the title of the Blog what I'm going to be talking about today. "Life is Worth Fight" has been shortlisted for the Cosmo Blog Awards 2014. I cannot thank you guys enough for nominating me I honestly did not expect to be shortlisted again especially because I read so many fantastic Lifestyle blogs that I just feel like I cannot hold a candle to them and I write how I talk so I assume it puts people off my blog, but that's just me. 

I've been on a high all day. I actually found out while I was in hospital today, the lovely Miss Bernice text me while I was in the lift, I was squealing like a idiot I think the people in the lift couldn't get out fast enough. It honestly means so much to me guys because I do pour my heart and soul into this blog and it's so wonderful to know that you guys enjoy reading it. My main aim is to just try and raise awareness for organ donation and PH and I would love to reach as many people as possible. 

If you guys want to vote for me again to win voting closes on the 29th August and it's in the Best Lifestyle Blog section so if you want to vote that would be awesome and there's a link in my sidebar and will be below all future blogposts :)

Thank you guys SO much!

Chat soon guys
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6.7.14

Overwhelmed and Emotional...


So tonight was my work leaving meal thing. I can honestly say I have never felt so overwhelmed and emotional about something in my entire life. I don't think I even felt as overwhelmed and emotional about going on the transplant list as I did tonight.

When I started work 6 years ago it was a simple weekend job that everyone gets out of school, I had originally worked in Bhs between 16-17 but that was the worst mistake of my life and when I applied and got the job for WHSmith I just hoped that the people were nice and that the work environment was okay. I never ever thought I would become friends with the people that I worked with or ever thought that I could end up being myself around them. 

I think I hit the jackpot when it came to the people to work with, I mean obviously we had a few people over the years that weren't that nice but you just power on through. I'm still so mixed about leaving even though I know it's the best thing for me but just seeing everyone tonight makes me want to go back in there and tell them I'll be in on Saturday. 

When I turned up this evening I honestly just thought I'd get a leaving card and that would have been enough for me and spending time talking with the people that I miss, but nooooo they decided that they would get me presents too. I have never felt so overwhelmed opening presents before, normally I have a sister next to me to take away the attention. They brought me all my favourite things; A beautiful bag from River Island, lots of lovely Lush goodies, chocolate and a balloon! I have never felt so spoilt in my life. 

I don't think they all realise what kind of impact they as a group have had on my life. I don't really "express my emotions" vocally or around people (thats what this place is for) but they are honestly some of the loveliest most caring people that I have the absolute pleasure of knowing and calling friends. I could try and explain to you what it is about them that makes them so amazing but it's impossible. I feel like now I've left a part of me is missing it's like a massive great hole has been hammered into my life and there is nothing that I can fill it with. I know I'll see them all again and all that but it's not the same. 

This blog is basically my little dedication to my Work chummies and to thank them for absolutely everything they have ever done for me in the past 6 years, they mean the world to me and it has been a pleasure working in WHSmith along side them. 

Chat soon guys 
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4.7.14

The little things that niggle...


So this morning I realised I've been doing something a lot lately, something I haven't even realised I've been doing but when I look back on it I have definitely been doing it a lot. So the other day Bernice mentioned to me that Sherlock would definitely be filmed in January next year but you know the BBC we probably won't actually get to see it till 2016. Then this morning I've been reading about how they are going to be making a Hocus Pocus 2 (Hocus Pocus being a classic staple Halloween movie in my house since I was a child) but it will probably be some time before we actually get to see it. Well, both of these times the first thing I've thought about when I think about how far away they possibly might be is "Will I be here to actually see it" or "I hope I'm still here to see it." 

It's not something I've realised I've been doing before now but when I think about it I do it quite a lot especially in regards to movies. I'll be mightily pissed off if I miss the MockingJay part 1 and 2. Not only is splitting a movie into 2 parts annoying for regular people because they have to wait a long bloody time to see it but for someone like me who isn't entirely sure whether she'll be here in the next few years I worry that I will actually get to see it at all. If not I feel like my sister should get a refund on all my previous visits to the cinema seeing the prequels LOL.

The doctors tell you to carry on living when you're put on the list which we all do but being ill makes be spontaneous difficult you can't just pick up and leave to do something at a moments notice. One that is really not good for my anxiety, I like planning and structure and two I have too many pills and medications to organise to make that at all possible. So when we plan things they have to be way in advance but then I start thinking will I actually get to see it or do that? For example in August Megan, James and I are all going to Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway tour in Birmingham now I've known about this since November last year and every time I think about it I can't help but be like "God I hope I actually get to go to this." Okay it might not be that I die before it happens but it might just be that something happens to stop me from going. Those little somethings are what stop people like me from planning to do too many things because who wants that kind of disappointment in their lives? But then planning nothing is equally as depressing so you kind of have to find a happy medium with it all.

I know in the grand scheme of things none of this will matter because if I happen to die in the next few years people aren't going to be sad because I missed a particular movie I wanted to see or that I missed an event I was really looking forward to and I don't know if I'll have any sort of consciousness to be sad wherever I may be at that point. Its just the little things that niggle on your mind you know?   

Chat soon guys 
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2.7.14

It's a good life...

Life is currently good, very good! I seem to be going through a run of good days, it is so beyond refreshing. Although I'm missing work I think it was the right decision for me, I'm not spending 2 days recovering from my shift which means my body isn't having to recover the energy it's lost which means I feel much better within myself. I've been hanging out with friends and watching a lot of tennis and football mainly this week. The tennis is usual thing for me, the football not so much. I sort of feel like I have to be watching the football at the moment because I have money on it I never really have a clue whats going on and it really annoys me when they roll around like idiots pretending like someone tripped them over or whacked them in the face and then two seconds later when they have a free kick or whatever they're completely fine. It's stupid but I'm determined to win my money. 

I think the run of good days I've been having has a lot to do with how I'm not in and out of hospital at the moment. I managed to go the whole of June without visiting the A&E which has not happened since September last year. It feels amazing to just have my regular normal clinic appointments to go to not traipsing to a fro from Hammersmith every week which from the outside might not seem like much but 6 hours in a car and waiting around hospitals is a lot more exhausting that it might appear, so I'm so pleased that it's back to the normal visits. So I'm appreciating it while it lasts. 

For those of you who don't know it is Transplant week next week which basically means there's going to be a lot transplant related stuff floating around. I'm not going to say whether you should or should not donate because it is your decision at the end of the day I just ask that you ask yourself a few questions. 

- Would you except an organ if you needed one?
- Would you want a loved one to have an organ if they needed one?

If you answer yes to either one of those questions then I'm sorry you should be on the organ donor register otherwise the only word that can be used for you is hypocrite. Then once you've asked those questions you have to ask yourself have you told your family whether you want to donate or not? Either way whether you do or don't they should know, you need to spell it out! And that very saying is what the NHSBT are running with this year they want you to spell it out to everyone, let them know what you would want to happen should the worse happen. I actually think it's a very clever campaign but not only that it means if the worst should happen your family would know 100% that, that is what you wanted they wouldn't have to think about it and worry about whether they are doing something you wouldn't want and that for me is the greatest thing you could give your family, absolute peace of mind that they would be doing the right thing by you and doing what you want.  

So guys next week if you see anything related to transplant week on Facebook or twitter or whatever, give it a like, a share, a retweet you never know it might help. As always there is link in my side bar that will take you the place where you can sign up or you can press the link here.

Chat soon guys 
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