29.4.15

What next?

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For those that don't know I'm currently in the process of getting my degree I'm actually at this moment in time one essay and a exam away from finishing. I would have finished last year but unfortunately the whole septicaemia incident of July/August 2013 set me back a little bit so this is the year hopefully. 

A friend asked me what I am doing next year, aka after I finish in June, I honestly have no idea. I've always said I would like to be a teacher, this however is a very specific type of teacher I absolutely could not teach very young children, 1. I have literally changed ONE nappy in my lifetime 2. I need people who can control their bodily functions. Then there is the what I call Junior school age so year 3 to 6 and I think I could do that age but I feel like I might not have the temperament for that age group. I would love to do secondary school age but I absolutely despise Year 9's and I'm not sure if that's something you can request and say I'll teach everybody else except Year 9's. I'm not sure I even want to teach anymore either. If I do decide to thats another year or two doing a PGCE and do I really want to do that for another year or two? 

So when my friend asked me I didn't really know what to say. I've never been in this predicament before, I was in college till June/July 2010 then I started my degree on February 3rd 2011, then all the transplant stuff started happening and that's been my life since then. I wish I could just be able to say resolutely that this time next year I will have had my transplant and be recovering well from it and planning what I want to do with my life. If money wasn't a concern I know exactly what I would be doing in a ideal world. I would have had my transplant and be planning each and every place I've ever wanted to go to. Unfortunately money is a very real issue and we live in the real world and I will have to figure out what I want to do to make that money, realistically it'll be a job I don't like because unfortunately we don't all have the opportunity to do something we love.

It's just a very odd scenario to be in and I actually hadn't thought much past June of this year and it's like a massive void of space has just opened up past June, in my mind it's like everything just stops at that point. I really can't understand why I hadn't thought of what I should or would be doing after I finished my degree and now my mind is going in about a thousand different directions. Do I plan what I want to do? Is there any point planning what I want to do because I haven't even had my transplant yet? If I plan what do I even want to to? Do I carry on and become a teacher? Do I explore other options? Or do I just pretend like it's not happening and then be totally blindsided when June actually arrives?

Even though my degree has taken a while and even though the incident of 2013 did sidetrack it a bit I've always had it to do and that has kept my mind busy for the past 4 years, I actually think the fact I've had my work to do has contributed to my staying sane the past 3 years it's been a point to reach and head towards. There is now nothing and I really hadn't thought about it. If I'm totally honest with you guys I never thought I would reach this point or if I did I would be Stacie with her new heart and lungs and Stacie who knew where she was heading. Currently there's pitch blackness and I haven't got a clue. 

I don't even know how to approach this and I can't believe I hadn't even thought about it. Although I'm trying to see this like all 3rd year uni students, surely they must feel the same way unless you are one of those really annoying people who wholeheartedly knew exactly what they wanted to be from birth. 

What do I do next?  

As always, thank-you for reading guys and chat soon
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