22.5.15

Something I AM good at...

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I'm not good at much. I never have been and have never claimed to be good at anything, not really. There is usually someone out there much better than I. I'm not the prettiest, I'm not the slimmest, I'm not the smartest, I'm definitely not confident, I'm not a particularly good blogger, I'm not the greatest ph or organ donation campaigner, I'm not the funniest, or the wittiest. I'm just not particularly good at anything really and that's okay. 

It's my own fault really because I surround myself with people who are all of these things. I have friends who excel at all of the things that I could only wish to be amazing at. I'm not even the best transplant patient I can't even get the one thing that encompasses my whole life right, I don't look ill to start with unless I have my oxygen on, I was supposed to: get on the waiting list, wait a respectable amount of time, get my transplant and then carry on with my life. I couldn't even get that right, I'm a crap ill person and crap transplant patient not that it's a bad thing really it's a mask I get to hide behind. 

It's okay though, I'll never be any of the things I wish I could be good at I will always be perfectly average, plain old Stacie and I'm okay with it but something I am REALLY good at and something that I think needs to be said is I am very, very good at choosing amazing friends. It's hard to get to know me, I'm a wary person. If you only know the happy, polite, everything will be okay Stacie then you don't really know me. I find it hard to really open up to people and it's a flaw and I know it is but when I make friends I have to try and figure out whether that person will be someone who is happy to talk to me in the early hours of the morning because sometimes thats the only time of the day that I'm awake and when my anxiety really hits hard. That person has to be okay with me not being able to turn up to something that was planned a month in advance because my body just isn't having it that day, they have to be okay with my sarcastic and sometimes dark sense of humour. They have to be okay when it seems like I'm pushing them away because in my mind it's for their own good but they will still come back anyway. These things all mean the friends I have are amazing, loyal, dependable and just downright awesome people. Very few people actually have my mobile number it's because I hate talking on the phone, I'll talk in person and I can text and message that's fine but actually talking on the phone is just something I have never really been comfortable with even before my first mobile at 12 years old (yes I am that old, my good old Nokia 3310 lol). So if someone has my mobile number that means I like them enough that I could put up with a telephone call from them which isn't that many people. 

I'm a hard person to get to know even with a blog and a fairly active online presence but I just think my friends need the recognition because they put up with me and I don't reckon I'm an easy person to put up with sometimes but they still persevere and I love them for it. 

As always, thank-you for reading guys and chat soon
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