1.5.15

Distance...

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The past year I would say I have been distancing myself from my PH community not really intentionally and people probably haven't even really noticed but I have. Not from Ph friends who I've been friends with for years and love dearly but in the sense that there are always new Ph people coming into our community, it's a slow process but Ph is becoming more recognised so more people are being diagnosed and they generally find us via Facebook. There was a time where I would instantly introduce myself to any new PHer but I find I just sit back and watch more nowadays. I was having a conversation with a friend and think that has a lot to do with it, firstly self preservation for myself, it is very hard to watch people die constantly and I do try to separate myself from that and from having it affect me too much because I feel like if I was really close to all of these people and then a few died one after the other that would be extremely damaging to me, so self preservation is definitely the first thing. The second and I think more important one is that it's for their benefit not to really "meet" me. I really don't think I'm the best example to put in front of a newbie Pher, they find out I need a transplant and have been waiting as long as I have and then suddenly they think they're going to need one tomorrow and they're going to die. That must be demoralising for them. Also if I do die I don't want a tonne of people being really sad about it. I mean it's likely they may need one at some point but there are so many more drug options than when I was first diagnosed that hopefully that will be in the very far off future for all the new Phers that are just coming into this. I mean with the very little options I had back then I still have managed 13 years without having a transplant which if we're all honest is a bit of a miracle in itself. 

The thing is even though I have been distancing myself a little bit I still do try to help where and when I can and hopefully my situation doesn't completely daunt them when they find out, I really hope it doesn't. There are those that I have known for years though and have been friends with for years and tonight I just really, really do appreciate the little community that we have. I don't know if I have just been lucky but all of my PH friends are just the loveliest people that I have the honour of knowing. Everyone that I associate myself with are all just so lovely and supportive and I feel like I don't acknowledge that enough.  

My Organ Donation people are the same, maybe it's the struggles we go through as people and we can all appreciate that and recognise that in each other. I don't know I'm just a very lucky person to have these wonderful people in my life and feel like I just need to acknowledge that for once rather than complain about something lol.  


As always, thank-you for reading guys and chat soon
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