18.11.15

Because it's better...

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Hello my lovely, lovely bunch. So I have a lung infection which surprisingly isn't that bad, gone are the days where a lung infection would have bed ridden me for 2 or 3 weeks and that feels amazing to me. It's a strange sense of accomplishment that my body can take a hit like a lung infection now because before any kind of lung or chest infection could have been my last and I lived in fear of that for a good year to 18months. Now I'm not saying I'm Miss Invincible because I am far from that but it's just nice, you know, to not have a bit of a coughing fit and then be totally exhausted after it and need a nap because that coughing literally took it out of you, it's kind of amazing that even with this infection I can walk somewhere and not feel like every step is some kind of Herculean effort. It's why I had my transplant, not to get a infection of course not, but to be able to take that kind of hit and still be able to do things and carry on living, not to be dragged down by something as simple as a infection. Not having to halt my life because I'm a little bit ill is something really quite amazing that I can't explain fully to you guys unless you've been through it because unless you've experienced just having to halt your life and sleep for the majority of your day and be attached to various things just to keep you going to get you through that bad bit you can't understand what being able to still do stuff even with a infection feels like. 

Now I am having to take it slower because I'm still a newbie, my heart and lungs are still new and a infection will probably hit them harder than the average persons, so I'm feeling a bit lazy at the moment. The gym has had to take a side seat for the time being because unfortunately the infection and the antibiotics are affecting me in that they are making me very dizzy and there have been a few episodes where I have nearly fainted and I would really rather that didn't happen whilst I was at the gym so I'm trying to be relaxing Stacie at the moment. I'm still trying to go for little walks though even with this horrendous weather and trying to do a little bit of bike in my room and some pilates as well so it's not completely all stop which really is something of a achievement I think.

Even though I'm very, very happy with how amazing this being "okay" with a infection lark is it is also flaring up my anxiety a bit. Not massively, like it's not affecting my sleep or anything just sometimes it's that kind of nagging reminder that, you know, I do still have to be careful and things could go badly if I'm not careful. Even though yes this infection feels like nothing compared to the past ignoring it (which I was going to do because it didn't feel bad enough to pay attention to) could potentially be very bad for me. It's a slight reminder that I'm not a totally normal nearly 25 year old and that brings up some anxiety issues for me, it reminds me of how fragile things are and could be and that's kind of scary I guess. You go through something huge and massive and hope that, that will fix everything because why would you do something like that for it not to be totally fixed? Quite simply the answer is... because it's better... Life is still not perfect but it is SO SO much better than it was and if I have to be a bit careful and still go to the hospital and doctors more than the average person that's a price worth paying for the people that I Love and a life that I love. 

As always, thank-you for reading and chat soon. 
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