7.11.15

Driving take two...

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I'm not sure whether I've told you guys before that once upon a time I did attempt to learn how to drive. It was 2008 I was a blissfully ignorant 17 year old who really had no idea how hard she would find driving. I honestly do not recall my driving experience with fondness, I simply remember being frightened half to death every-time I got behind the wheel of the car, feeling really uncomfortable with the driving instructor that I had because he was a rather large man and I was therefore rather aware of the fact that every-time I changed gears I was trying not to touch his leg at the same time *Super awkward*. 
 
I did five two hour lessons in total. I think I was getting the hang of driving but I just never seemed to get the whole co-ordination of changing gears whilst having a foot on the clutch and moving my feet in some kind of higgle-de-piggly-de manner and just praying for the best really. I always feared I'd crash into to something or run something over and I just could never get it out of my head that I was the person in control of this massive giant killing machine and not only was I responsible for my life whist in it but also potential people who could be passengers in it and even unsuspecting pedestrians. Responsibility for myself is enough thank-you. I'm actually a very nervous passenger and on long journey's whether that's in a car or a train or a bus I just sleep it's a tactic I have implemented for a long time but as a passenger I'm always very wary of how fast we are going, how close we are to things and I'm always very full of anxiety whist travelling not that it stops me from travelling I'm just on edge a lot. I'm sure this tactic will be used when Planes become a factor or the euro tunnel lol. 
 
There are bits about all my driving lessons that I remember with some clarity like my first one I drove into a bush and couldn't get out, my fourth one I was going around corner and the instructor decided to scream at me to change gears which at the time I had no clue how to do whilst also going around a corner but my last driving lesson will forever be burned into my memory. My last ever driving lesson was what I consider traumatising. At the time I lived in a little village called Lyneham so we were surrounded by country roads and was good for driving lessons I suppose because they were always generally pretty quiet. Now whist quiet they can also be quite hilly. Towards the end of my lesson we were coming down a hill and I really cannot recall why but I felt quite in control but I don't know why the instructor decided coming down this steep hill with a corner at the bottom he decided this was a appropriate time to start shouting at me. Now at the bottom of this hill there was a elderly woman walking with a zimmer frame quite far out in the road and whilst the stupid instructor was shouting at me this lady was obviously getting closer and the guy was honestly just confusing me so I decided out of pure confusion and not having any idea what I was supposed to be doing to take all feet off of all pedals and took my hands of the wheel and shut my eyes. Yep... this actually happened... I am actually this stupid. The guy basically screams at me, admittedly this time it's for a legitimate reason but I'm assuming that while I had basically shut down he put the brake on and must have grabbed the wheel because rather than us hitting the old woman, which was the course we were on before I shut my eyes, when I finally opened my eyes we were a good 10 feet away from her with her staring at us in disbelief. It probably doesn't need to be said but we swapped seats and he drove me home and I never drove again... 
 
Admittedly I have wanted to learn how to drive again over the years but because of how ill I got it just wasn't possible I was so tired all of the time I just wouldn't have had the energy or the strength to drive at all. So learning how to drive again has always been a post transplant goal because I knew at that point or I should say this point I should have that energy back and it means I can have the independence that I kind of lost before my transplant back. Now to make things easier for me I have opted to go for a automatic car. I do not consider this me being a lazy driver or me being stupid "because everyone can drive a manual" I just know that my co-ordination skills SUCK and I just want to eliminate anything that will possibly make driving harder for me. I'm going to be a anxious driver there's no question about it at all and I want to make it as easy as possible for me so I don't have more to worry about than I need to worry about. So many people say to me that once you know it's easy and yes that may be true but I don't want learning how to drive to be a stressful experience like it was, I want it to be something that I want to do and something I may enjoy rather than just doing it so that I can drive at the end of it. I don't want to be a anxiety riddled stress head by the end of it. So hopefully at some point within the next 6 months (I guess?) I will be Stacie Pridden with a pink driving license rather than the green one I've been holding since 2008 LOL. First lesson is on Friday so wish me luck :-/ 
 
As always, thank-you for reading and chat soon. 
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3 comments:

  1. Good luck! I know it's not funny because that little old lady nearly met a sorry end but I couldn't help but laugh at the image of it all, it sounds like a cartoon! You poor thing!! I remember just how odd it felt when I was learning to drive, I was lucky though as my dad took me out on a nice quiet, wide road that was on a very gentle downward slope and we just drove down that over and over again (he would turn the car round and drive it back to the top again!) Do you have anyone with a car and licence who could teach you the real basics whilst you get used to it? It's so hard trying to coordinate all the different movements but it's kind of like learning to walk - I think it's called procedural memory but basically you start out and you have to consciously think about every movement and over time it all becomes automatised :) and then it's less scary! Big deep breaths, lots of practice and if all else fails, hazard lights and brakes xxx
    Lucy @ la-lingua.co.uk

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  2. Oh God Salma that doesn't sound good, Hopefully no lasting damage though :) Definitely facing my fear on Friday so hopefully it will all go okay :)
    Wish you well Stacie xoxo

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  3. Thank-you Lucy!! :) I'll be letting the guy know on Friday how anxious I am so hopefully he'll take it nice and slow and maybe to like a empty car park or something LOL
    Hope you're well
    Stacie xoxo

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Thank-you for commenting <3