12 days of Christmas || Day 3 || Christmas Clinic...

So I had my 6 monthly clinic appointment last week and it all went very, very well. I had to have a Echo this time and Jas told me that everything looks good except there's some minor regurgitation which is something they will need to keep an eye but nothing for me to worry about which is a-okay with me, plus I had some intense regurgitation going on pre-transplant and I couldn't even tell you what regurgitation means in regards to us heart people anyway so if they aren't worried about it then I'm definitely not going to worry about it. It has to be said though the echo guy was not at all gentle it was a very hard prodding in the ribs with that little probe thing.  I did my lung function as well and I was bit worried that it might be low even though I know on the blows I've been doing at home they've been fine but because of my reflux I'm just worried that it's suddenly going to take massive dip especially with me not on my stomach meds in the lead up to my PH studies on Monday. Also I've been getting over a lung infection and my lungs don't feel like they are completely back to normal but apparently it is gone so it's just another case of having to try and understand what my new normal is for my lungs, everything is very much a learning experience.   

I got to see Bernice and her lovely Granddad as well whilst I was there and it's always nice to see Bernice and him. The staff have finally worked out that me and Bernice are co-ordinating our clinic appointments and seem to be on board with it LOL. So hopefully after my appointment in January when I get my PH Study results my next appointment should land just about when Bernice's next one is :) So yay, go Papworth for that :)

It has to be said anxiety Stacie has definitely made a very unwelcome return the past few weeks. I think I'm just working myself up about these tests on Monday and then there's the fact that I'm literally only on SIX different medications at the moment and it's very unnerving for me. My stomach pills will go back on Tuesday but even then I'll only be on 8 and that just freaks me out a bit. With transplant I kind of expected to be on about 20 or something ridiculous so to be on 6 right now is freaking me out I keep thinking I've forgotten to take some or I'm not on enough or just you know lots of little paranoid thoughts and I'm not saying I want to be on more it's just I think it's taking me a while to get used to the fact that my meds are just a lot less than they used to be. The thing is with tests and stuff though is I'm normally very good as long as I know what to expect I am the calmest person on the planet so once I've done something once I'm good if I have to do it again unless of course it's gone badly in which case I'll be preparing myself for it to go badly again but still I will know what to expect. The PH studies that I have to have done is not something I've ever done, I know essentially what they will do but that's different to actually doing it you know? I know they'll be putting something up my nose down into my stomach and the only experience I've had close to that is when I had an endoscopy nearly 4 years ago now and they couldn't get the thing up my nose and gave me a nose bleed. I have been assured though that the NG tube thing is much smaller than the endoscopy tube so hopefully I won't have the same problem :). I think the bit that's freaking me out the most is that I have to take the thing out myself once is been in for 24 hours and when I asked the person on the phone when I booked the appointment if I could just get a nurse to do it she spoke to me like I was some mis-behaving child. Is it really that ludicrous of a request to not want to take the thing out by myself? Like most things though I will just get on with it and hopefully this ball of anxiety that I currently have sitting in my chest will disappear for a bit at least whilst I enjoy the festive period anyway :).  

As always, thank-you for reading and chat soon. 

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