18.2.16

The eternal enemy...

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I have two evils in my life both of which fluctuate from time to time and both of which will be my mortal enemies till the end of my days; my health and my weight. My health for the first time in years is at a stable point (Touch Wood), for the first time in years I'm not constantly on a knifes edge wondering whether this is it, is this the last year I'm going to be here? I still get the anxiety at times and I still worry but as for right now it's not the kind of worry that keeps me up at night. My weight however will always be a constant battle, it doesn't matter whether I'm in relatively stable health or in a horrendously dying state of health. 
 
Back in 2013 I actually weighed over 13 stone no-one really thought I did because I hide my weight well and actually a lot of that 13 stone was fluid that doctors hadn't picked up on and is the unfortunate side affect of being in Heart Failure. Doctors wanted me to lose weight but no mater how hard I tried I just couldn't do it. The weight just would not move! It wasn't until I got septicaemia and I was put on Diuretics that we realised just how much fluid I was carrying and I lost a lot of weight in a very short amount of time and thankfully that actually helped me get near the target weight the doctors wanted me to be. The last 18 months of me being on the list I kind of fluctuated between being 11stone and 11 and half and the only reason I stayed in that region is because I was eating very little and what I was eating was absolute shit. Rather than have dinner I'd have ice-cream. I was very much in the mind set of "if I'm going to die and I can't eat that much I'm going to eat what I like" and that therefore was chocolate, sweets and ice-cream. 
 
Since transplant I've been finding it very hard to curb my eating, the good thing though is because I can now move it means I've been managing to stay at around 11 stone and maintain that weight. that was until Christmas where I had to get rid of all my chocolate and well you know that meant about a straight week of chocolate and sweets. Somehow I managed to get to 11 stone 5lbs. For my height which is 5 Foot 5 the maximum weight I should be is 11 stone. I'm very comfortable with my body at 11 stone (or you know as comfortable as any woman can be with her body), I don't feel fat  but when I got to 11 stone 5lbs I could feel the weight which is never nice. Now I could blame my eating habits on the steroids that I'm now on and there definitely are days when the steroids make me have a stomach that just does not end! Literally I could just eat and eat and not stop from morning till night, but I know when it's the steroids, most of the days it's just me, it's just really nice to be able to eat without feeling like you can't breathe to be able to enjoy eating again and when you've been so close to dying you don't want to deprive yourself of things you like. That's not good for you though, not always. 
 
So I got to 11 stone 5 pounds and said enough was enough and I really needed to start addressing the way I was eating and start some good habits that would hopefully try and engage my metabolism again after the absolute years of abuse it's received. I considered weight watchers again but to be honest you just feel like you're starving yourself on that diet so the second week of January I decided to go for Slimming World and in my opinion it's a much better more liveable plan, it's essentially just healthy eating. Now I know a lot of people would say well why can't you just eat more healthily, and yes my dear friend I could but I need to be judged it's the only way I carry on with it and now that my hospital appointments are becoming further a part the judgement from them isn't frequent enough. So Slimming World provides me with that very much needed judgement that I absolutely need to carry on eating more healthily. I also managed to convince my older sister to come with me (she wanted to lose weight too) and that gives me support too. I do find it hard sometimes at home especially when you live with people who are more than happy to be eating you know snickers and mars bars and that type of stuff. The good thing is though that you have "syns" so you aren't completely restricted from eating some of the stuff you like which is great for me or I would completely fail. Admittedly as well it has to be said I can definitely feel the difference, the week before last I had a few days where I ate a lot of crap and I felt awful for it! Really sluggish and just ughhh, I suppose that's a good thing though because that means I'l keep up the good eating but it's annoying lol.
 
I'm now in my happy 10 stone range which is great for me and I will keep going till I'm dead on 10 stone. For my height I could technically go down to 8stone 13 but I really can't imagine me going down to that kind of weight so I think 10 stone will be a good middle of the road weight for me, not too big, not too small. It just means I need to keep up my walking and keep at my pilates as well because all that will help. I may even have to up it all I guess to make sure that keep losing because now doubt I'll reach a point where I stop losing.            

As always, thank-you for reading and chat soon. 
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1 comment:

  1. I think you'll be fine at 10. There is after all, the phrase, a perfect 10.
    I'm a slimming world member to, they're a healthy way to keep my weight under control,as I can't really move much with pulmonary hypertension. Which you know all about. I find, now I don't move much I gain fast. So slimming world is a life saver

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