7.3.16

Children...

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So this is more than likely just going to be a ramble of thoughts rather than a coherent blog also just to clarify as well it's not a blog about me complaining about Mothers day and saying it shouldn't exist and all that kind of stuff it's just simply a few thoughts that I have that I'd like to get out. 

I find the concept of Mothers day and Fathers day odd, I mean I get it in a sense. I love being able to buy my mum a bunch of flowers and it's nice to really let her know how appreciated she is because she does a lot for us and has always been there for us and especially this year my mum has been through a lot in that she had to go through the emotional turmoil that was my transplant and she was in hospital every single day with me, she didn't leave the hospital at all that entire time! So Mothers day is great in that I get to show my mum how much she is appreciated. I just have a few gripes with the whole Mother and Fathers day thing. 

This started from a Facebook status that I posted the day before Mothers Day and I asked "On a side note I'm still waiting for my 'I can't have/don't want children' day..." Now just to clarify I can physically get pregnant that is not the reason I can't have children my body is perfectly functioning in that way but the reason I can't have children is more because I'm not really allowed to have them. I've mentioned this before but just so all the information is you know here I'll say it again, when I was put onto the Transplant List one of the first questions they asked me was "Do you want children or ever plan on having children?" (I was 21 years old, my answer was no to both and that answer has not changed in the past 4 years) they replied that, that was good because after transplant I would not be allowed to have children. They can't physically stop you from having children as that is still your choice but they really don't advise you having them because of how physically demanding carrying a baby is and how much strain that would put on your new organs especially a heart. There would also be the medication side of things where a lot of the medication that transplantees are on could adversely affect any child you carry so a lot of changing of medications would need to happen and even doing this can risk you, your baby and your organs. This is why if you do plan on having a baby they like you to let them know so they can sort things out before you get pregnant to get your body used to different medications to try and eliminate the risks that, that side of things carries. Anywho for me children have never been on the table I was told when I was eleven that I couldn't have them and therefore I've very much grown up knowing that they just wouldn't be in my future when I was told at 21 even after transplant they still wouldn't really be an option it didn't massively affect me on any level it was simply rehashing old information. People do ask me whether or not I would risk it and simply, no I wouldn't, I'm very selfish in that sense and I wouldn't risk my life to bring a child into the world and I wouldn't risk a baby or my new organs. It's taken a lot to get me to this point in my life and would not risk that for a child. 

Some people suggested adoption and fostering and both I have thought about over the years but the problem with having a transplant is that this generally puts the people that deal with that off. Although transplant gives us extra time it doesn't give us the same life expectancy as everyone else and this puts them off letting transplantees from adopting or fostering because they don't want to put children who have already been through a lot through more in the potential scenario of you dying which is more likely than a person with no medical problems at all. Even though we can all say "Who knows when any of us will die?" with a transplantee you can at least say without doubt that the probability of us dying within 5 years of our transplants is much, much greater than someone else who has not had a transplant at all. So would that be fair to put a possibly already emotionally affected child through even more emotion turmoil?

Now my thing that I have with mothers and fathers day is I feel like it rubs it in our faces and by our I mean those of us who are unable to have children. People said to me there is son or daughter day or there's aunty day but I mean come on! These aren't really days that get celebrated are they? Have you ever seen a Aunty's day card in a shop or a Daughters day card? NO. I'm not even saying I want to be celebrated for being a aunt or a daughter or a sister because I feel very much appreciated especially by my little nephews and niece they show me all the love in the world whenever I see them and just to be able to see them develop and turn into the little characters they are is more than enough for me, I don't need a card to know that they love and appreciate me. My question is why does the fact someone chooses to have a child get celebrated more than someones choice not to have children? Even if I could have children I really probably wouldn't because to be honest it's just not my thing but I mean there are some people that didn't even actively choose to have a child it was a complete accident they simply slept with some-one possibly made the decision not to protect themselves, so why does that get celebrated over some physical choice not to have a child?  

This shouldn't be construed. Mothers and fathers should be appreciated by their children because there are so many mothers and fathers out there who sacrifice so much for their children and they provide for them and give them all the love and support that they could ever need I just don't know why we need a day for that? It should be something shown always. It's like Valentines day what the hell is that for really? The only thing I can think of is, it's a reason to have chocolate, I like Valentines day because I do like to see all the love thrown around but we shouldn't need it and why is mothers and fathers day always on a Sunday?! I'm sure my mum would much prefer mothers day to be on a day she actually works and she could have that day off instead not a day she already doesn't work.    
Anyway that's my opinion on it. It's just a bit of a ramble really.  

As always, thank-you for reading and chat soon. 
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