I've never really had a problem writing, writing my feelings down like I do on here because to be honest I'm never worried about who's reading this. You know people don't have to read this if they don't want to, when you click on my blog I assume you want to read whatever it is that I have written and if you don't like it you just click off, easy peasy. I don't really have to think of whether I'm offending anyone and I don't have to try and impress anyone either. This is my space and I put what I want on here with no fear of what happens when I do I mean I"m not that controversial and I'm unlikely to post anything ground breaking so this is just for me.
Last week I had to write a letter, I say had to I didn't have to write it I chose to write it but it felt like something I had to do. I wrote my letter to my donor family. In total it took me a week to write, I went back to it everyday and changed it everyday. It was so hard to write! The problem for me was I don't know who I'm writing to, based on her gender and age I can make an educated guess based on those things but that also makes it even harder. What do they want to hear? People say to me that they just want to know I'm alive but is that really the case? I mean I could be alive but what if I was having problems? Would they want to know about those? No. I'm positive they probably wouldn't. I guess they need to know that whoever my donor is their family needs to know they made a difference and I found it extremely hard to write because maybe the things that I think are amazing aren't amazing to them. The fact that I can now walk up my street is incredible to me but they might think that's pathetic, but they don't know that walking up my street was a dream a year ago. It was very hard how do you explain to someone how hard something was? How getting through each day was simply a struggle whilst also trying to express the gratitude towards them and their dead loved one that you will always have.
I kind of went with a blogpost approach, that was easiest for me, I typed it up first because that made it easier if I needed to change it and I could come back to it when I needed to. I wrote to them as me. I didn't try to sound like someone I'm not, I didn't try to impress them. I simply told them how it really is. How what they did for me changed my life, I told them all the little things that may not seem miraculous or amazing but were miraculous and amazing to me. Like having a Bath up to my neck for the first time, something that may not seem like anything but at one point in time that was everything to me I spent 2 years craving it and missing it so, for me, it was something I will never forget and never be able to thank them enough for. I wrote it up after a whole week of editing writing it out on writing paper it took a whole two hours because I was taking more care writing that letter than anything I've ever written in my life but I'm pleased with the end result.
I don't know if whoever my donors family are will want to receive my letter, if they will ever read it but for me it's something I had to do because even if they don't read it or don't want it I will know that I thanked them the only way I was able to.