10.7.17

Losing it all...


I can imagine from the title there may be a few people wondering exactly what it is I'm going to be writing about it sounds a bit ominous, well it's my hair. Now I can hear the groans of those of you who know me and those who have followed me for 5 years "Not again Stacie!" Well I am sorry but you are just going to have to read another rant about my hair and all the things chronic rejection has done to it. 

Illness strips you of absolutely everything. It chips away at you, sometimes really, really slowly so you barely notice it's happening and that's what I would say my experience with illness was my entire life before transplant because it was all I knew and I got more ill slow over time. It wasn't until we hit the last few years that illness demonstrated to me what it really could do, what it could really take away from you. 

I got to a point where it had taken my ability to sleep away from me, to breathe unaided was stolen from me, 6am and 6pm no longer my own dedicated solely to life saving drugs that could be done at this time and this time alone. Walking any further than a few feet virtually impossible, unable to work or participate in society in that way, pulling you away from your friends and the people you love. Unable to go on holidays, day trips, to travel anywhere without it being this crazy ridiculous mission. Illness takes away everything from you and it might not be all at once but it does and it eventually has everything of you. 

You have to try and have little things for yourself and one of my little things has always been my hair. It might seem utterly ridiculous but I loved my hair I managed to keep it so nice through those 24 years of living, no matter how ill I was my hair was the one thing you can guarantee I looked after. Admittedly it wasn't that difficult because I do have good hair generally it runs in the genes but I was happy that I had kept this one thing for me, I could disguise how ill I was with a bit of make-up and good hair no-one need ever know that I was the ill girl. 

Transplant occurred.... I was warned that there would be thinning and some would fall out... I was okay with that, my hairs thick, long, in good condition I can afford some damage and some loss. I got all of that and it was fine it didn't make a tonne of difference to my hair that anyone other than me could notice and that was okay and it was starting to get a bit better by January 2016 but then I started to get poorly again around April time. Steroids, steroids and more steroids.... drugs, drugs, drugs then the diagnosis of chronic rejection. All the drugs and everything we have had to do to treat the chronic rejection has just utterly destroyed my hair totally. 

It's the one thing that has really upset me through this whole experience and it seems silly but when you have everything else stripped from you;- breathing, walking, sometimes talking, sleeping properly, eating, bathing, doing anything alone, holding hands with your boyfriend on a walk. everything you can think of gets taken away so you cling to anything you can and my hair was one of those things! 

So Plan "MULTI-VITIMIN" is officially underway, I am going to get my hair back to some sort normalcy :-) It WILL happen, I'm so determined you don't even realise. Why Multivitamin you ask? Well I took them pre-transplant and they really helped! Also currently I don't eat enough that i can honesty say I'm getting enough vitamins anyway so what can it hurt hey? We will see though guys and hopefully in a few months (If I'm still here) my hair will be showing some benefits :-D

As always, thank-you for reading and chat soon
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